With fear raceing thru me like a lightening bolt in a thunder storm.

I sit and I wonder what will happen..

Tears rolling down my face like a water fall over the side of a mountin..

I sit and I wonder what will happen..

 My insides feeling like a shakeing leaf on a tree during a windy day..

I sit and I wonder what will happen..

Unsure if i can make it thru all that is happening..

I sit and I wonder what what will happen..

Will I still have a place to lay my head soon..

 Nobody really knows what hinds behind here.

 With me saying one thing when really I feel another inside..

Shakeing and wanting to cry so badly inside.. 
Smileing and laughing on the outside.. 
How can I let others see when they may not understand me..

With them maybe thinking I just need to let it all go.

That can not always be done.

Hideing behind the shadow mask..

Scared of finences and if I am going to make it..

Unable to admit I need some help..

Hideing under the covers with a teddy bear in her hand..

Crying silently from fear of being there..

For tonight she is in the house where he does not even have to call her there..

She curls up tight with her teddy bear..

In hopes she can just disappear and pretend not to be there..

She hears the bedroom door squeking in his house though..

No place to run..

She has to stay there all night..

With her teddy bear in her arms she freezes there..

 The flames are dying

We see them under every bride we pass...

In a box in every alley we may look down..

These are the places that they live in the day and in the night..

Being forced to dig and beg for food in ways we would never even think..

Could they of once been the neighbor we have have forgotten that was always a help..

Maybe the best friend from school that was the only one that allowed us to be ourselves..

I have reached the end

Beyond the help of a friend

What words will make this right

I call on the lord this cold night

Even he can’t decrease the pain

Common sense is what I try to gain

My heart begs for an ounce of hope

This life is placed under a microscope

Dreams of a brighter tomorrow

Have been clouded by sorrow

Friends don’t come by anymore

They say that I’m not like before

Like a moth I fall victim to the flame

Our bodies broke and dirty,

we lay on Victorian hardwood

in great intermission.

Your fingers tapped to an uneven blade

 throwing relief to wet flesh.

Close-eyed, I sang Tori Amos

as your spider_leg_hair

tickled my smooth calf.

Lyrics waltzed through

hot oxygen and dipped

to intimate vibrations

until

your strong hand guarded

my mouth and forced

my hips to conclude

your favorite song.

The feature was on

I need a miracle.

I offer my most sacred pleas

only to be overlooked

by you again and again.

Am I so small your bloody hands

cannot reach me?

Could your enemy find me better

among the unbalanced threats

of hell? If I am your daughter,

listen to my burdens.

I need you on my side for

I am failing Father.

Have I served you too little?

Am I to suffer cold pews

of Sundays I remained sleeping

while navy contradictions wept

I need more,

Another essence to disguise me from myself,

Calling out to all my chances thrown aside,

For sure, this life does have it's ups,

But much steeper downs,

Please tell me your joking,

In my head I think I heard someone say a promise.

Help me, get more,

Throw me a bone,

This drive me so weak till now,

Blood runs, Ice cold,

Knife life, white hot,

Dead but for what,

Burnout seemed so sweet till now,

So long that it's never ending,

So little good it's got me praying for countless more, 

In time maybe I will stop pretending,

Send out flowers,

Which have died some time before.

And so much for childhood zen,

Spring, summer, came and went,

Rivers more life sinks and/or dries,

A frozen, cracked, melted, wasted life I have,

Thus I am,

Nothing,

Soaked in vodka now,

Face flat on the floor,

Thats not what dreams are dreamt for!