Hopeless_J

Jan 11, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Childhood Zen

So long that it's never ending,

So little good it's got me praying for countless more,

In time maybe I will stop pretending,

Send out flowers,

Which have died some time before.

And so much for childhood zen,

Spring, summer, came and went,

Rivers more life sinks and/or dries,

A frozen, cracked, melted, wasted life I have,

Thus I am,

Nothing,

Soaked in vodka now,

Face flat on the floor,

Thats not what dreams are dreamt for!

Tell me how's my stomache taste?

Okay I'll drop my guard,

"Let's have it your way."

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Comments

louis

56 years 4 months ago

I like this poem's

I like this poem's masculine, aggressive bent - it captures the feeling we all get some times from life's harder moments. I think the ending is not as smooth as it could be - you could sharpen a few lines and it would make for a much better poem.

Mark

19 years 3 months ago

Countless more,

the more I read this the more I like it. I'm not sure if it is the punctuation or me but I keep stopping at "countless more" I'm not sure if you mean countless more prayers (which would make sense) or if you are taking it somewhere else. Anyhow I'll be back to read more. Hopefully we will be able to view a work we are commenting on as well as comments to reply to. Thanks :-)

Hopeless_J

19 years 3 months ago

Thank you.

Thank you very much for your comments. I wrote this poem well over a year ago and I actually originally had called it "Countless More." I was refering to wanting there to be more good in the world or for it to be more obvious. You know how it is when your down and you know theres good in people but you can't see it? I think thats mainly what I was thinking. I thought "Countless more" was just an interesting way to say it. It's like the way a news reader will maybe say "30 dead and countless more injured," so I think that it go's well with the dark, sinister themes in my poems. Thanks again. (hopeless) Joey Cunningham Lennox

Hopeless_J

19 years 3 months ago

Thanks for your comments.

Hi there, I just wanted to thank you for your comments. I aways like to hear what pople think. Perhaps I could have made the ending more of a promising outlook and have it go with a bang. I wrote it over a year ago and I recall at the time I wanted to be true, so to say it how it is I couldn't give it an uplifting end. I was trying to express how I sometimes feel angry at the world or at people, but am incapable of doing anything about it outside my mind. Thanks again, (hopeless) Joey Cunningham Lennox

Mark

19 years 3 months ago

Rivers more ....

Hi Hope and welcome !! I am wondering - do you mean to write Rivers move ore is it really Rivers more as you have it? If it is more you can edit it because I will like to rate it soon :-)

Hopeless_J

19 years 3 months ago

Hey.

Yeah it was suppose to be rivers more, as in life's falling away. Why? D'you thinks "rivers move" would be better? (hopeless) Joey Cunningham Lennox

Mark

19 years 3 months ago

hey

no I think rivers more is great (just was not familiar) thanks