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Breakinglogic
Breakinglogic
Jun 02, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Between the walls encumbered

The men inside the walls
Cry their eyes made sore
From all the dark
Creep up and down the halls
Pleading nothing more
Than just a spark
Would satisfy their void

Faces sappy blood stained
Frowning vindictive
In affliction
Fingers sliding ingrained
Small space restrictive
Raw from friction
Never heard hopes destroyed

Long forgotten futile
Shells rotting idle
Faceless cyphers

Between the walls
Encumbered
— Breakinglogic, Jun 02, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: California, USA

More from this author

Critiques

xena465

xena465

16 years ago

Brilliant Logic

I'm thinking this is about prisoners that have lost all hope...Despondent. Xena
Breakinglogic

Breakinglogic

16 years ago

you could call them

you could call them prisoners.... they definitely did lose all hope. Thanks for commenting :) Peace and cheers, logic
D

Damo

16 years ago

Whoa! Another dense and

Whoa! Another dense and weighty piece... I won't linger too long - in this case, it's not a bad thing! Meaning is not lost!
loved

loved

16 years ago

it can be

suffocating i have known many cases rotting for life...... without a ray of hope
S

sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

16 years ago

Walls kept by men.

Logic. I place a time frame. It is much like the number nine. If nothing else it is a mind game. Place a colum from zero to nine. Then next to it place a colum from nine to zero. I enjoyed your poem yet life as we know it is simply dead. As a man I must refrain as to play with the dead is another way to find life love and hate. Agian I find you as a soldier looking for the fight, Yet crying to the wind that never list and never looks back. Pick up your boots my friend and make sure your weapon is well to fead and clean. Here a virtual bag of socks. Yes they are clean and well if nothing else will keep your feet to the march. To resolve I have no answer. Just a placment of life I will offer your gray. Run run away from time from pleasure from life itself. Perhaps you will never see the killing field. Good luck and Gods speed to your life. I hope you understand as I myself will turn back. My shoulders are not to relaxe. Forever I will be to the call of the killing zone of life. Good luck and Gods speed to the morrow my friend.
Breakinglogic

Breakinglogic

16 years ago

Hey sakkk, thanks for the

Hey sakkk, thanks for the read and comment :) I do enjoy new socks. And I march to the beat of only what I can imagine. Maybe life is dead, then we are all just stuck in your game of zeros and nines. And all the pieces exist on the killing field, but we are all already dead and yet still playing. Everyones a winner, everyones a sinner and everyones tired of the game. Thanks again for the read my friend, peace and cheers, logic
B

blistered-pen

16 years ago

Wow I love what you said

Wow I love what you said there, "Everyone's a winner, everyone's a sinner and everyone's tired of the game." Mind if I take that (I'll credit you, don't worry)? Your poem by the way, I didn't really get the picture you were painting but I had a feeling of being trapped and feeling intensely depressed, repressed and cold (but it's also freezing in here, so maybe that didn't have anything to do with the poem). You're really churning out the amazing writes lately, it's hard to keep up. Despite the fact that I may not always understand the content, I can at least recognize and acknowledge the talent. JRS
Breakinglogic

Breakinglogic

16 years ago

Hey blistered pen, feel free

Hey blistered pen, feel free to use it as you like, cut it up or leave it as it stands. I dont claim credit for them, they are not but words. If you found the phrasing somewhat interesting, they are all yours. As for the write, I am glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the compliments. Although there is a special meaning for me, the write serves no deeper meaning than how it appears. It's a purely fictional scenario. You hit the intended mood with a nail. My purpose was to practice structured writing. Thanks again Peace and cheers, Logic
S

sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

15 years 12 months ago

MY PLACE IN LIFE

Logic. My place in life is not to just to take as I find a stray dog a bird with a broken wing. A wolf that is in need. Perhaps you can explain to me. A simple question I place to your gray. If not for killing and hate would there not be love and those that degradate to the day they are offered the life they are to live. As to the placment of the numbers they were just a clue to math. Many have a problem with the number nine it was a answer to the reason why and a simple truth to live by. As numbers I my friend am well with. I would like to say somthing blunt and to the point. If you are tired of my reply then just tell me as I need not to bother you with thoughts I keep. I laugh agian at myself as my father was a soldier my Grandfather a soldier my brothers all soldiers and I yes a soldier. So I ask what will I do with myself as I am a poet that does not belong in poetry yet here I'am me a man a soldier that enjoyes the written word. I as a soldier have respect to all in this place and all that is needed to make me walk away is a truth from another. Nothing more nothing less than that. sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Breakinglogic

Breakinglogic

15 years 12 months ago

Hey sakkk, I do think love

Hey sakkk, I do think love can exist without hate, only you couldn't measure it, it would be a constant with no lesser idea to compare the degree. As for your number 9, sakkk, I was riddled, if I had known it was a reference, I wouldn't have spent an hour making columns, adding, subtracting, finding medians and means, and using many other mathematic functions and operators to figure it out. Lol :) I came up with 36, by the way. That, I decided was the answer. There are some things that tire me sakkk, including too little sleep and too much PT, but your reply is not one of them. I always enjoy reading them, your reply is a silver lining, the extra mile, a compliment. It's plain to tell that a place of poetry you do belong. I don't think anyone could argue that my friend, peace and cheers, logic
S

sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

15 years 12 months ago

Logic

Logic your name to the screen of time placed. I to place numbers and thought to my gray. Well everyday of my life my friend. Laughing at my mind yet agian. I ask a question simple is the answer. If you were to play in a soldiers mind and placed in harms way while walking to hell. Excuse me as hell is the jungle my friend. You and all that you walk with are coverd. Then they start the action of killing you as to a fire fight. Would you have a clue that they by chance knew that you would spray the ten round mag away and then be killed by a mud gun my friend. I'm sure you know its name and number it is a AK-47. It is much like the truth of Adolf Hitler as his first try to be the leader the only man worth the salt to stand. Was to find that the green men were sharp. They shot to the ground to place bullets that bounced. They killed and wounded so many that it stoped the force. So agian I look to you as a soldier yet better than most. He played in another day of tragic worth to the life of people to the thought of his gray. I my friend love the dog the cat the bird that flew by. Yet I will always be just me a soldier a man a husband to my wife and a father to my daughter. Sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
F

Fred1932

16 years ago

What’s up Logic, Thanks

What's up Logic, Thanks again for reading my piece I really appreciated it. This is very insightfull, liked the way it flowed.
P

pleiades

15 years 12 months ago

good title for this

good title for this piece... i like how you ended with the title line i've read this a number of times, and can see a few different scenarioes, both literal and metaphorical but it's not so much the imagery that is the power of this write, but the emotion you've captured some pretty dark emotions here, and they're very well expressed there is a definite heaviness that hangs about it...i felt a heaviness reading it...i was quite glad to have done with it (a compliment to your evocation) there are a couple of places i stumbled a bit over the line breaks eg; "The men inside the walls Cry their eyes made sore From all the dark" for me, it read smoother as Tthe men inside the walls cry Their eyes made sore From all the dark maybe, would satisify their void"- to satisify their void your second stanza is just plain painful to read such a sense of complete hopelessness utter despair i think you've done a great job of conveying to the reader the emotions you have strong, emotionally powerful write that doesn't need to be analyzed... just felt cheers p
Breakinglogic

Breakinglogic

15 years 12 months ago

Hey there pleiades, thanks

Hey there pleiades, thanks for the nice comment and feedback :) The reason its hard to read is because I tried to fit it into a structure based on syllables/line. I know its not quite right, glad you see the same. And for your second suggestion, I thought the same also, except for it to read correctly I would have to change "Pleading nothing more Than just a spark" to "Pleading for nothing more Than just a spark" and that doesn't fit the structure I tried to jam this into. I may come back and try to play with it some time to make it work. Thanks so much for the feedback, much appreciated. Peace and cheers, logic
M

magics02

15 years 12 months ago

Hey Logic

Good write here and the image I got was of prisoners for some reason. The end for some between those walls. Spot on my soldier and your doing fantastic with your writing, Maybe time to do a host one nite like you used to. Love at ya honey Mona xoxoxo
Breakinglogic

Breakinglogic

15 years 12 months ago

Thanks magic for the nice

Thanks magic for the nice words. Your interpretation is correct. My own is more personal and would be hard or others to understand. Thanks for the stop by. Btw, I'm moderating an open chat on Sunday the 13th @ 9:00 to 10:00 PM Its a rewards chat :) peace and cheers, logic
M

magics02

15 years 12 months ago

Spot on

I had that feel as I read it. You do not need to explain. And yes by golly I will be there on the 13th for sure at 9:00 It will be so nice to see you host again..cheers on that one to you guy. Magics Mom xoxoxox:)
Breakinglogic

Breakinglogic

15 years 12 months ago

Thanks Julie, It’s not the

Thanks Julie, It's not the original title, I am happy to hear the new tile is well accepted :) Thanks for the nice words Peace and cheers, logic
SH

shirley harrison

15 years 12 months ago

A very talented young poet!

wow logic, this is incredible, i love it it makes me think, its of someone who feels invisible to the world and trapped in life! shirley harrison
Kailashana

Kailashana

15 years 12 months ago

Prisoners of our own

Prisoners of our own volition. Created and miscreated. I wonder why that is, if not for the game of undoing the Gordian knot. Nine is the number of completion. There is a field....I'll meet you there... ~ "Even if I knew the world were to end tomorrow, I would plant an olive tree today."-- Francis of Assisi
Breakinglogic

Breakinglogic

15 years 12 months ago

Prisoners of our own

Prisoners of our own volition indeed. such similarity with "prisoners of our own device" -or something similar, from hotel california. Glad you could stop by and comment anna :) thank you Peace and cheers, logic