for as long as I can remember, I have built walls of silence, of defense
but life kept passing by and breaking down a piece of the wall here and there
leaving a void that is hard to fill with a smile

now as I prepare to leave, I review the troops that accompanied me
a few smiles, a few ragged words and the great wall of silence
of which only some blackened ruins remain

a last farewell to silence
a last greeting to the missed hugs
and to all the kisses shattered by the long winters, goodbye

There is another me, her name is the same as mine, Ana,
only in the morning when she wakes her eyes are darker
like my mother’s,
and she speaks to my husband while lying
on my pillow with that cheerful, playful voice of hers.
She kisses my daughter on the forehead, wishing her
good morning, and successfully hides from me
everything that escapes and falls away into the past.
There is, I tell you, another me,
she has the same last name as mine — Karakash —
she reads my books, and imagine!

Before I was made
with black lashes, bright eyes and red lips,
before I saw myself in the mirror,
I searched for your face and did not recognize you,
my blood remained cold, and my heart did not tremble.
My impotent husband is a kleptomaniac,
and his voice is my shell.
I say that I do not want to return
and I pack the unbearable stench
of spilled milk and I know what the lie is for.
I should sit aside and comb my hair.
I should be born again.
I should walk on high heels…
Once I was young,

How many times can you kill someone before they die?
how many truths do you need to say before you’re expected to lie?
How many more scars until you actually try?
But what i truly wonder the most is why…
Now my eyes bloody from crying,
Voice shaky from breaking,
Heart heavy, quietly dying,
With every breath I'm taking.
It feels like a dream, i’m thinking “this cannot be real”…all these voices, all of this darkness
Nothing i feel.

Pulled from a dream, met by a sore neck.
I'm greeted by a ticking clock.
How fast can I run today?
How far before I have run out of time?
Into my slippers I go, accepting the challenge.

The grave holds unfinished dreams
As the world echoes with unpleasant screams
Loved ones forever gone
Leaving pain only
Many unspoken words and yet to be lived moments
Unforgettable memories and untold stories
Echoes of what could have been
Forever lost
Death understands one word "torment"
Confronting with what hurts most
"Loss"

The moment it happened is drifting in time and in realms unknown to me
Each time I blinked I'd find myself in the different scene
Each second felt like forever and they moment. I said to myself what is really happening
I questioned myself hoping to find answers. But the silence and the confusion In my heart raised the beat. I coudnt hear me except disturbing beat in my veins screaming wake up
And that moment I said.. Wait.. Wait.. What I'm I doing?

I was given a chance to ink down my thoughts.
But as I journey through life, the first thing I could do was colour how the world broke me as a girl.
Mama taught me how to hold a pen, but not how to hold pain.
In an African proverb, they say we should hold it at sharp ends, like we're made of steel.
Not keeping in mind that with each blood drop, a nation is torn, not physically, but mentally.
We are programmed that, it's okay to suffer in the hands of men.
By the abuse disguised as love, its okay to throw words sharp as knives.