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Jun 09, 2026
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Flashdance
I think this is just what I need in these days so hard.
Watching lightning bugs flash dance in my little neighbor's yard.
The smile on her face has lips touching ears.
As the little girl throws her tiny hands up in the air and cheers.
This display is just for the two of us.
Wondrous, beautiful and bold.
Watching mother nature's private show unfold.
Spontaneous, engaging and sweet.
No ads and commercial free.
No popcorn, candy or tickets sold.
— WylEWriter, Jun 09, 2026
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About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
A.S.M
1 week 3 days ago
Rhymes
Maybe if you cared less about rhymes your work could gain depth because the words wouldn't have to be restricted to a "sound" and the feeling would have more room to breathe.
Geezer
1 week 3 days ago
I agree...
If you start off trying to think of rhyming words, you will have work hard at putting the lines together, so that they make sense. One way you can do that is to keep the lines simple and not try to connect everything at once. By taking the simplest thought of the line and making sure that it is expressed, you can make the rhyme easier. An example:
This display is just for the two of us,
wonderous, beautiful and bold.
No ads and commercial free
Mother Nature's show unfolds.
I liked the theme, but you have to smooth it out. ~ Geezer.
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