Seren

Feb 09, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Why wait ...

I waited for you
all my life

like the darkness
is my day
you are my planet
I'm just a moon

I love you
as certainly
I'll never
love again

These dark things
I shelter in my mind
fearing to reveal
and to lose control

You've asked me why
and repeatedly
how I love you
and when I fell

My only answer ?

I waited for you
all my life

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Comments

Nordic cloud

13 years 2 months ago

Dear Jayne, I liked this

Dear Jayne, I liked this twist, speaking in the past when its in the future.
I liked the simplicity of the message, it flows down like a thought
and has a tip like that of a grass straw with a dew drop on the end.

The only thing that seemed slightly illogical was the planet,
and the moon, as the moon isn't that also a planet? But on looking in Wik,
I find it has not yet been promoted to that category, so my thought is
wrong. I mention it, because it interested me .

Love Ann.
You'd think we lived on the moon here, its all so white!!

Seren

13 years 2 months ago

Pure whiteness it sounds

Pure whiteness it sounds beautiful

Very glad you liked this one its a new one

Hmmmmm maybe instead of planet I could have earth
What do you think ?

Thanks for the read and comment

Love and hugs Jc xxx

loved

13 years 2 months ago

perhaps I may intervene

The Moon is the only natural ....satellite ....of the Earth,[d][7] and the fifth largest satellite in the Solar System
and
did you perhaps imply
lose.???. ...................................to loose control
i thought ....maybe I ain't right

Satellites go around planets
only the Zodiac made an exception ...
7500 years ago.. man made error
earth being a planet..

Seren

13 years 2 months ago

Thanks for the heads up ! I

Thanks for the heads up ! I fixed that up

I must have been blind lol

I am just a moon smile

Love Jc xxx

loved

13 years 2 months ago

gratious

thanks
you are better we see
tc

only happy folks and moon can smile
you are one such smiler

Seren

13 years 2 months ago

I am no better no worse lol

Jc xxx

Nordic cloud

13 years 2 months ago

Earth is a planet,

Earth is a planet,
but I'm your moon would be good perhaps?

Love to you in the heat, I send you some cool,
with love of course! Ann.

Seren

13 years 2 months ago

Hmmm that would work I will

Hmmm that would work I will edit on my return

Love to you in the white Jc xxx

|sueb

13 years 2 months ago

lovely x

Seren

13 years 2 months ago

Thanks Sue glad you liked it

Hugs Jc xxx

Ian.T

13 years 2 months ago

Jayne

I would not change anything any more, as it is in its simplicity it says everything, grand write,
Yours as always Ian.T

Seren

13 years 2 months ago

Ian

I'm very happy you liked this one its new

Much appreciate the read and comment

Love Jc xxx

Seren

13 years ago

Thanks for the suggestion I

Thanks for the suggestion I plan to edit my poems over the next week or two I like your idea I will correct it when I edit

thanks for the read and lovely comment its much appreciated

love and hugs JC xxx

Frenchf

13 years 2 months ago

Lovely images

and waiting all your life for someone
That is special especially since you revealed what you have been through

Seren

13 years ago

Its all special and its all

Its all special and its all beautiful even the mundane I have been to hell and back a couple of times but there is always someone worse off ... so i celebrate the simple things

thanks for the read and the comment

love JC xxx