NEGATIVE ONE : second edit of last lines .[formerly INFINITY]

NEGATIVE ONE

A breath
the time of a sigh
the middle of
a blink
of an eye
a failure of synchronicity
in space and time…
suddenly
we become
negative one

— Geremia, Aug 11, 2012

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

Ian.T

13 years 11 months ago

Joe

A grand description of infinity, even Einstein had the sense to bend the travelors ways to return to the origin. Does this mean that Infinity is Now ?
I liked your words on this they brought thought with them,
Yours Ian.T

Geremia

13 years 11 months ago

Thanks, Ian.

weirdelf

13 years 11 months ago

Almost Japanese in it's brevity and profundity

A major work.

I question the title and the last word, it leads to expectations of triviality, and is much over-used.

Perhaps...

oh, fuck, I can't think of anything better.

For the last word 'eternity'?

For the title, perhaps it doesn't need one, if you re-wrote it as a Tanka. But that is a big ask.

Geremia

13 years 11 months ago

Thanks. I think I've got it.

Thanks. I think I've got it. Ruins the rhyme, but what the hell.

weirdelf

13 years 11 months ago

I like this a lot better

pity about the rhyme, but see my new signature

Geremia

13 years 11 months ago

You must have read it before

You must have read it before I changed it again.:)

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