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Jul 21, 2026
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Manic State of Mind
I’m having an out of body experience
I can not control what I do
As I’m acting out I’m a fit of rage
Feels like I’m locked inside a cage
I want to stop myself, I want to engage
But for some reason I feel enraged
Can not help it, I’m not in control
When I'm this manic state of mind
I need some help, I need to find
The best way for me to unwind
And leave this manic mind behind
— streshenkofftheresa, Jul 21, 2026
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About This Poem
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
3 weeks 4 days ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem takes on a difficult interior subject, and its strongest move is the image of being "locked inside a cage," which gives the abstract experience of losing control a concrete, physical shape a reader can hold onto. That single image does more work than the more general statements around it, which suggests the poem is at its best when it trusts imagery over direct declaration.
The central tension of the piece comes through clearly in the lines "I want to stop myself, I want to engage / But for some reason I feel enraged." The repetition of "I want" captures the speaker's struggle between intention and impulse, and the rhyme reinforces the sense of being trapped in a loop. This is a genuine emotional core, and the poem knows where its center lies.
Where the poem could develop further is in its reliance on telling rather than showing. Phrases like "I can not control what I do" and "I'm not in control" state the condition directly, and because they appear more than once, they begin to restate rather than deepen the feeling. One approach would be to keep the cage image and build outward from it with further sensory detail: what the rage looks like from inside the body, what the hands or voice are doing, what the room feels like. Letting the physical experience carry the meaning would spare the poem from having to name "control" and "rage" so often.
The word "manic" also appears three times, including in the title, and the phrase "manic state of mind" and "manic mind" sit close together near the end. Choosing a single, strongest placement for that word would let it land with more force, since repeating it lessens its charge each time. The final line, "And leave this manic mind behind," gestures toward a turn or resolution, but the desire to "unwind" and "find help" arrives quickly and in general terms. Grounding that closing wish in a specific image, the way the cage grounds the earlier lines, would give the ending the same weight as the poem's opening.
The rhyme scheme is consistent and gives the piece momentum, though in a few places the rhyme appears to drive the word choice, as with "engage" set beside "enraged." Reading those lines aloud and testing whether each rhyming word is the truest one for the meaning, rather than the nearest sound, would strengthen the music without sacrificing sense.
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Jane
3 weeks 3 days ago
This actually hit deep
This one really hit me. TuT I know exactly how this feels like, and all I want is just to feel oke again. Beautifully written :> I love it
streshenkofftheresa
3 weeks 3 days ago
Thx
Thank you so much
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