Jan 23, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Frustrated Philosophy

Night has come
The city gives birth to light
I keep quiet
Just stay quiet
Listen to the pavement
It calls
The lights call
Just keep quiet
Stay quiet
Listen to the sound
The sidewalk beckons
Night has come.

— Search, Jan 23, 2012

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It is as it is.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: California

Critiques

lou

14 years 4 months ago

Hi

I enjoyed the theme of this poem, as i'm always drawn to a dark poem, but i feel there are too many repeations of the word, quiet, it is used 4 times, i think if you could find another word for quiet, it would improve the poem.

lou

14 years 4 months ago

thanks for reading

Hey lou, thanks for reading my poem. I am aware that the word "quiet" is used to much, I did that intentionally. My plan was to beat the word into the head of the reader. I want the readers to understand how Something like a city can be oblivious to silence of a person; and what can be accomplished in the dead of silence. Thanks for reading, I very much appreciate it when people comment.

weirdelf

14 years 4 months ago

I adore it!

Check the word 'flaneur'
Charles Baudelaire developed a derived meaning of flâneur—that of "a person who walks the city in order to experience it"

Candlewitch

14 years 4 months ago

Hello Search,

I liked your poem a lot, as I'm always drawn to the dark side. But I'm with Lou on the word "quiet" it is repetitious and distracting. Try a few of these for replacements for the word quiet:

silent, noiseless, inaudible, low, soft, discreet, unobtrusive, soundless

always, Cat