Emotional state of mind

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem moves through a clear emotional arc, from standing still in hope to arriving somewhere that love and care reside, and that trajectory gives the piece a satisfying shape. The strongest moment is the closing couplet, "Feeling that love that was unspoken / Picking up the pieces that wasn't broken," because the phrase "pieces that wasn't broken" carries a genuine surprise. It overturns the expected image of brokenness and suggests that what seemed shattered was intact all along. That kind of reversal rewards a reader's attention, and the poem could use more of these turns elsewhere.

The rhyme scheme is consistent and audible, and it drives the poem forward. A few rhymes, though, lead the line rather than serving the meaning. "It will vanish and go away and it will make you say" trails off without completing the thought, leaving the reader waiting for what the speaker is made to say. Consider letting that sentence resolve into actual speech, which would also strengthen the link to the line that follows. Similarly, "tomorrow" and "sorrow" are paired closely, but the line "Your days of sorrow doesn't last tomorrow" reads as cramped. Spreading that idea across more breathing room would let the consolation land.

Attention to grammatical agreement would sharpen the diction. "Your days of sorrow doesn't last" and "the pieces that wasn't broken" both mismatch plural subjects with singular verbs. These are quick fixes, but they matter because the poem's tone is sincere and direct, and small inconsistencies pull a reader out of that sincerity.

The central tension worth developing is between stillness and movement. The poem opens with standing still and kneeling, then shifts to walking through a door, then to seeing faces and hearing words. That progression from waiting to entering is the emotional engine, but it passes quickly. Slowing down at the threshold, the moment of walking through the door and encountering those familiar faces, would let the reader feel the relief the poem describes rather than being told it arrives. The title promises an interior state, so the more the poem can render feeling through specific image and gesture, the more fully it delivers on that promise.

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im not sure what the emotional state of mind is. i don't see a resolution to the tension. sorry

the feeling that you are trying to describe an emotional reunion. One that you thought was going to be fraught with accusations or argument. I think that you should think more about how to say what you are saying, rather than trying to force the rhyme. You are saying all the right things, just not in the order of natural language. Try for more of a sing-song pattern.

Still standing, dreaming of a better day,
Your only hope is to kneel and pray. 
Your day of sorrow, won't last tomorrow
It vanishes, goes away, you say;

Trouble doesn't live here anymore.

Take your time, read your work out loud, it helps to find the right tone and all the bumps. Welcome to Neo. ~ Geezer