Tommi Cordial

Member since April 6, 2012

Member for 14 years, 1 month

member

12 Poems

94 Comments

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There

Posted Jun 21, 2012 · 18 lines · 3 critiques

Sitting in my study,
smiling peacefully in my chair,
to the rapping of the neighbors son, downstairs
Smiling cuz his rapping took me to a special place.
A place where I am young, like him,
and had to be misplaced.

Misplaced because my rocking,
made my parents feel encaged.
They'd run me out the house,
but in the driveway I would rave.

Singing loudly metal jams,
my hands in fists of rage
Banging my head, screaming, rocking,
Having my own way

And as I sit here smiling,
I am picturing the face,
of my neighbor sitting in his chair,
coming to this palce.

Tommi Cordial’s timeline

April 2022
06 Wed

Anniversary
10 years of membership
April 2017
06 Thu

Anniversary
5 years of membership
April 2013
06 Sat

Anniversary
One year of membership
June 2012
22 Fri

Received a critique
on There from @loved
"till i die and they then all will say he was old..... but very bold he died in his sleep in his nineties as a teen...."
22 Fri

Received a critique
on There from @judyanne
"a fun read, and so true too :) it put a smile on my face lol – sad in a way that we all 'grow up' (supposedly) eventually just a couple of very tiny things tommi ‘Smiling cuz his rapping took me to a special place’ (I’d…"
21 Thu

Posted a poem
There
"Sitting in my study,"
Open thread 18 lines
19 Tue

Received a critique
on Hold Up from @BlueDemon77
"It tells me alot (the picture flows outside the words). I see the scene you are setting and the only things I would say make things a little unclear is the use of "guising". I know often nouns are used in verb form but…"
15 Fri

Posted a poem
Hold Up
"Hold up!"
Open thread 12 lines
10 Sun

Received a critique
on Statuesque from @Roscoe Lane
"Tommi i think this is a wonderful poem, just one crit,. I would take away one of the ( the's ) from the last two lines in verse three. And replace it with an a, for me it improves your poem but that's just me. I'd also…"
10 Sun

Received a critique
on When The Moon from @loved
"''We smile a smile We dream a dream As day falls out of sight.\\ ....GEEGRREEAAT.. GR8WORDS Lovely ingredients of life you express ...as three in one ...ice-cream kind SMILE IS THE gifts of life... its abs free GIVE IT…"
10 Sun

Critiqued
"Shakespeare's Caesar" by @soldierpoet
"A nice sequence of tale in this with a strong sentiment. It has a hint a lore that makes it alluring to me. Thank You Tommi"
10 Sun

Posted a poem
Statuesque
"Like porcelain, time"
Open thread 24 lines
05 Tue

Critiqued
"WHERE THE HEART IS (rhyme crimes shop)" by @scribbler
"It almost seems as though I've read this on a home or office plaque. Sweet and simple. Perfect. Tommi"
05 Tue

Posted a poem
When The Moon
"When the moon falls at daybreak"
Open thread 13 lines
May 2012
29 Tue

Critiqued
"Taming Of The Beast (eddy styx) (rhymed)" by @Candlewitch
"Very nice it moved smooth for me. i stumbled a bit on my first read but i do love this a lot. Now prrrr Ms. Cat :) Tommi"
27 Sun

Critiqued
"Slumberjack" by @Lonnie
"Lonnie, this was amazing. All the little delights of a poets dreams . my favorite line was; here I am and here I'll stay for promises I keep all eternity is mine while I'm fast asleep these words have me longing for mor…"
26 Sat

Received a critique
on Loathing from @judyanne
"great rhythm I love the opening lines but just a couple of suggestions ‘Twisting, turning and making me blind’ (I’d lose the ‘and’ – put a comma after ‘turning - just to cut down on one of the many 'and's there’) ‘Eatin…"
25 Fri

Posted a poem
Loathing
"Renting space in the back of my mind,"
Open thread 8 lines
17 Thu

Received a critique
on Red Brother from @scribbler
"I am reminded each time I find a stone spear point of arrow head that these forests I love so much have been inhabited for 1000's of years before we got here. I really liked this. About the only change I'd make is to co…"
17 Thu

Received a critique
on Red Brother from @judyanne
"i really like the title excellent rhyme great meter but there are a couple of lines I feel are slightly ‘off’ . ‘‘I will truly look around’ – meter out (to my ear I stress) maybe shorten ‘I will’ -- ‘I’ll truly look aro…"
16 Wed

Posted a poem
Red Brother
"Thank you for your service,"
Open thread 13 lines
16 Wed

Critiqued
" A Way To Say It (constructive feedback workshop)" by @judyanne
"I love the way you carried this trough, from a love protest to a sweet encounter of chance. It was a very well put together sentiment . However, I did find myself having to build the flow of it as I had to read it more…"
16 Wed

Critiqued
"GRAY DAY THOUGHTS (feedback shop) edit" by @scribbler
"Thank you Scribbler for the piece, i did enjoy the poem and i unsderstood it clearly. However the rythm (maybe it's just me) seemed a bit off. As I said before htough, the ppoem in it's entirety was very easy to read an…"
09 Wed

Critiqued
"Rotund" by @Beauregard
"seems fitting for this poem. It is an easy read and the visual concept was there. Somehow the timing and rythm was off for me. I certainly wouldn't mind reading it again and enjoyed it. Thank you author."
04 Fri

Critiqued
"Camellias in Bloom Alongside Azaleas" by @Beauregard
"I truly did try to stay within the guidelines and it was easier once you laid the ground."
April 2012
30 Mon

Posted a poem
Drifting
"Laying soundly down to rest"
Open thread 20 lines
15 Sun

Highest posting month
April 2012 — 6 poems
13 Fri

Posted a poem
Come Together
"Come bring me your berries,"
Open thread 27 lines
12 Thu

Posted a poem
Into Tomorrow
"Carry me brother hawk"
Open thread 19 lines
09 Mon

Posted a poem
Creations From Home
"Come and join me"
Open thread 23 lines
07 Sat

Posted a poem
Cervantes
"A tired mother"
Open thread 29 lines
06 Fri

First critique offered
on " Paper Lanterns" by @MDT
06 Fri

First publication
Granny Says- From the Boogie O'Ugie Chronicals
06 Fri

Posted a poem
Granny Says- From the Boogie O'Ugie Chronicals
"Life prepares us for Death. "It is my hope that every human boy and girl can graciously learn some of the dark or scarier things in life. Bruce O'Ugie recalls: One day, not too long ago, i stood there with my children, and wife. All of us crying, all of us lost. Not really sad, just longing for that oh too familiar untainted, unconditional love. Hoping for her words of wisdom. Like life prepares us for death... I had this friend named Brodie. Our mothers were the very best of friends all while we grew up, since we were babies. More like brothers than friends. As we got older and started schol, Granny babysat the two of us. However, our mothers had drifted apart and rarely saw one another. It seemed they just became too busy for more than a friendly hello when dropping us of for school or picking us up at Granny's. Brodie and i asked Granny one day, "do you think Bruce and i will grow up and stop being friends"? Granny chuckled and said to us, "they're still friends, i don't think they could ever not be friends. We just grow into who we are and we move on". "I'm sure they're still very best of friends. Just as I'm sure you two boys will always be best of friends". She had such a way with words. We understood as children understand things and never gave the idea another thought until the summer before we began Junior High School. As we graduated from elementary school and anxiously awaited our transition into pre-teens. Brodie was always bigger and stronger than i, so it was no surprise that he had joined the Anvul Junior High School Feild Hockey Team. He loved and was good at any kind of hockey: street, feild, ice, he even knew all the AHL league players and their stats. Even with math not being his best subject. Truthfully i believe that had it not been for Granny's insistance, they all may not have been his best subject. That was just fine with me, I was a more than academic whiz kid. I just loved to share what i learned with others, helping them with things and figuring things and ways to help out. So, i volunteered to tutor at the elementary school for the summer school kids at Anvul Elementary School. At that time i believed it was the only thing i had goin for me. It was however where i was the strongest and most skilled. When we were smaller we pretended to be a super-hero team Brodie was strength and I was knowledge. Granny had told us that strength and knowledge will always go together, always and forever. Well as our summer began, it was decided that Brodie and i no longer needed to be babysat.It was kind of sad knowing that we wouldn't be able to see her as much as we had wanted anymore. On our last day with her, we made old fashioned ice cream sundaes. The ice cream was made with one of the old ice cream makers, she even let us take turns at the crank. Suddenly Brodie turned to Granny and said, "we're gonig to miss you so much Granny", and gave her a big hug. "We sure will", i cried and hugged her too. "I'm going to miss all these warm hugs ", she said as she squeezed the two of us. "It's time for the two of you to move on now. Time to show the world what wonderful young men Granny helped raise". "We'll make you proud Granny", we both told her. Summer went on and i went every day to the elementary school to tutor and Brodie went every day to field hockey practice. I made good friends of some of the other kids that tutored and Brodie had made some good friends as well of his field hockey teammates. School started and the only time we got to see eachother was on Saturday at School games. I had actually volunteered to be the waterboy so we could talk more and see eachother more often. We could always count on Granny to be in the crowd, she was our biggest fan. Never forgetting to tell us how well we did after each game. Even our mothers had found the time to sit together and root for the Anvul Iguana's. All seemed perfect, that is until my new friends decided to go to a game, and they met Brodie's new friends. The two groups simply clashed form the very beginning. My friends thought Brodie and his friends were "Muscleheads", and Brodie's friends thought my friends and I were "Know-it-Alls". Later as we became adults Brodoe was the gym teacher at Anvul High School, and i became Mayor of Anvul. I never stopped helping others, and i don't believe Brodie ever missed a game, but the students adored him and everyone felt he was a strong figurhead. Now there i stood, saddened by the loss of Granny, Lost in the memory of all she had taught us all. I felt as though I was losing it. Even with my family, and the entire city of Anvul to support me in my time of loss. It seemed i had lost my own will to live. Suddenly i was spinning in my mind. I felt myself lose all it's strength as my entire life and everything fell into my legs and they could no longer hold and i began to fall. I felt myself going down when I heard an all too familiar voice, "careful there buddy". I felt someone lift me from under my pits before I could hit the ground and steady me to my feet. As i turned around to look, there stood Brodie. He was right there to catch me and held onto me til i stood steady. I smiled and thanked him. "You don't have to thank me Boogie", the nick name Granny had given to me, all those years ago. It was like music to my ears. I asked if he and his family would join myself and my family at Granny's after the service to catch up and have dinner together. He looked at me and he said, "where else would Strength be when Knowledge needed him". "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than here helping you and Granny move on. It's what best friends do". The rest of the day Brodie and i talked about old times and caught up. Our wives and children got aquainted with eachother and it just felt amazing to have great friends and family around me in my time of need. Later that night, my children asked, as i put them to bed, "why are we just meeting Mr. Brodie and his family if you have been friends for so long"? I simlpy smile and said to them, "sometimes people move on but best friends are forever". I turned out the light and moved down the hall to my bedroom and kissed my wife good night. I rolled onto my side and fell fast asleep. The End"
Open thread 1 lines
06 Fri

Joined Neopoet
Membership begins

First poem published 1 days later.

About Me

About me

I was born on October 22nd, 1965 to David and Jane Murchison on Torrejon Air Force Base, Madrid, Spain. We lived on Plattsburgh Air Force Base from December of 1968 until the summer of 1974. When my father retired we moved to the Saranac District of Northern New York, where he bought our home. My brothers, sisters and I grew up there from our early school years and on into adulthood. I still reside in the Northern Adirondacks of Upstate New York. ENJOY

Location: New York, U.S., USA

Favorite Poets

RobeccaJane Lee-Murchison

Albert Friedman

Edgar Allen Poe

EE Cummings

Charles Dickens

Contest Wins

This member has not yet won any contests.

10 years of membership

5 years of membership

One year of membership

on There from @loved

on There from @judyanne

on Hold Up from @BlueDemon77

on Statuesque from @Roscoe Lane

on When The Moon from @loved

"Shakespeare's Caesar" by @soldierpoet

"WHERE THE HEART IS (rhyme crimes shop)" by @scribbler

"Taming Of The Beast (eddy styx) (rhymed)" by @Candlewitch

"Slumberjack" by @Lonnie

on Loathing from @judyanne

on Red Brother from @scribbler

on Red Brother from @judyanne

" A Way To Say It (constructive feedback workshop)" by @judyanne

"GRAY DAY THOUGHTS (feedback shop) edit" by @scribbler

"Rotund" by @Beauregard

"Camellias in Bloom Alongside Azaleas" by @Beauregard

April 2012 — 6 poems

on " Paper Lanterns" by @MDT

Membership begins

About Me

Recent Work

Contest Wins

Workshops

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