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CRAVING LOVE

Love deprived unsensitized.

Thoughts of demise
loving a surprise
remembering the disguise.

Forgetting the sunrise
wishing to compromise.

Once upon a time
knowing the reason why
killing to stay alive.

Looking to flowers
having no power.

The gate never to open
hell just offered a token
craving love is simply unspoken.

 

— sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, Jul 01, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

S

sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

15 years 11 months ago

Poetry

Green Eyes, I ask if you can. Place a blow by blow to the poem I wrote. What you thought from each phraze. Thanks for the reply as I write for three from the cuff me myself and I. Have a fine morrow. Your friend holding a flower a rifle and a book. Sakkk.
Professor Purple

Professor Purple

15 years 11 months ago

I'm not sure I got it

"Killing to stay alive" seems out of place with the rest. Otherwise it does speak to me, strong theme, the desire for love, and very elegantly expressed. Excellent rhythm, the long words and short ones interact very well, I find that it starts "right in your face" and ends more soflty, overall a nice effect. My favourite line is "Forgetting the sunrise wishing to compromise." One last thing: typo on "offered" in the second to last line. Antoine
S

sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

15 years 11 months ago

Professor Purple

The spelling is now correct my friend of quill placed to parchment. As to the killing to stay alive. Well It will stay as by chance just me and my gray. A soldier I was and yes will always be. Good luck and Gods speed. SAKKK. Steven A.
Mark

Mark

15 years 11 months ago

The last line says it all

The silent craving , the hunger..and gentle suggestions of sound in this quiet poem that hits the spot is all good.. Thanks, Mark
weirdelf

weirdelf

15 years 11 months ago

as mark says, that last line is bloody brilliant!

the rest is presented with elegant simplicity although I am not quite comfortable with the long run of -ise rhymes, forgive the pun but they seem to trivialise your content. Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible,
Electric Blue

Electric Blue

15 years 11 months ago

Craving Love

Sakkkk Steven You title drew me in. All I do is Crave Love but only from my dark Knight his heart is fickle as to say but it is where I reside and do lay silently So at this time deprived of love sink to the depths of dispair thoughts of demise - yes endless tears fill the oceans For I know he really cares The gate opens sometimes tokens received a few craving love of my knight unspoken so true A flower am I with no power just die I have a hunger to love and be loved Sorry when reading ink blue tears fall to the pen in hand making marks onto the paper that waits I find your work interesting curious but it is what is between the lines that say so much Electric Blue
S

sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

15 years 11 months ago

Just you

Electric Blue. The poem is of truth. I must say I'm bothered by your tears. If I can I will try to explain. In my mind there is no other bolder than a soldier. He or she as it is to the time line of life that we are to live. My father was a soldier my brothers yes they spent time as did I in a place most would say no way. Yet the soldier findes unto himself the reason of life and yes his death. He does a job so hard that when sh-it hits the fan he findes himself in harms way for a reason to keep his people safe. Funny yet not as I wrote a poem of my past. It is harsh and a hard read yet it explains what I did on a day from the past. Not sure of the dark man in your life. Yet if he is a soldier I pray he lives to sit in the yard and look to his children my lady. Your tears are bothersome to me. I myself don't cry in the presence of others yet a ter I lay to ground from time to time. So walk with a kind mind and remember why a soldier job is anything but simple to the time of his life. Sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Electric Blue

Electric Blue

15 years 11 months ago

Craving Love

Sakkkk My friend Fear not my friend my tears mostly of joy but then dispair when having to leave my dark knight. His family mean the most to him so worry not there. But my heart gets tattered and splattered and the pieces get joined at the seams loosly again. I find the best place to cry is in the rain as no one will notice as they walk by they do not see or feel the rain in my heart falling as silent tears like waterfalls like diamonds shine trying to make bright. My dark knight is strong on the outside others see. But inside the frightened little boy I see. This gentle giant a tender spirit within lies, tries to hide from the outside world Enough said Electric Blue
S

sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

15 years 10 months ago

Electric Blue

My lady of thought. Reflecting upon the words placed to my gray. I will say the simple giant that looks to your body as a fine and well kept soul. My gray sayes he would walk in the dark without shoes to protect you. He would offer his life in less time than it would take to blink your eyes. Is he not a soldier a keeper of men? You my lady of harshness to life should just relaxe and offer the giant a hug a smile as the difference is lacking be it a man or a lady dear friend. I laugh at myself as to offer dirrection to anothers life. I think the quite giant should be left alone to his life. I know in my soul he would stand tall if needed. Wondering what he keeps to his gray never to explain why he is a soldier a person of truth. Yet not my place to ask my lady perhaps not even yours. Sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Electric Blue

Electric Blue

15 years 10 months ago

Craving Love

Sakkkkkk Are you a White Knight? I give my Dark Knight all I can give and more beyond but in the shadows he feels safe Electric Blue
Seren

Seren

15 years 11 months ago

Dearest Steven

I am late late late for a this very important date ... but I got here I just found it ... bravo my friend I loved it ... the 'ise' rhymes bothered me a little like Jess but with a reread they dont sound so Jarring I will come back later to this one lovely portrayal of the craving of lonliness and emptiness not spoken love and hugs JayCee x x x (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)