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R
Rhiannon
May 26, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

The Modern Obsession with Technology

(read top to bottom then bottom to top)



This is their world. 
Quiet, peace, nature.
My life is a placid lake,
smooth as glass.
No metal blemishes or concrete pores.

Soon it will be different.

What is green?
Smog is a natural feature in our chemical makeup.
We should be worried if we weren't in pain.
Loud, chaos, metropolis.
This is my world.

— Rhiannon, May 26, 2010
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Critiques

Breakinglogic

Breakinglogic

16 years 1 month ago

Interesting concept. I like

Interesting concept. I like the way it read up better than down. "Metal blemishes" and "concrete pores", good use of metaphors. One catch, "We should be worried if we weren’t in pain." I think it should read "We should be worried if we [aren’t] in pain." Peace and cheers, logic
xena465

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

I agree with BL

I like this one Rhiannon, very clever. Rosina xena465
R

Rhiannon

16 years 1 month ago

THANK YOU.

i will always consider your advice BL "Theirs is not to reason why. Theirs is but to do or die." - Charge of the Light Brigade
T

Tah

16 years 1 month ago

Very nice!

You're giving me great ideas for Christmas gifts. :) Very Nice! I liked how it read both ways.. actually I would include both ways as part of the experience.
M

michael

16 years 1 month ago

RE: Modern Obsession...

I thought it was interesting and different. I liked it. I am by NO means an expert on this. I like to write things that I am familiar with. I don't know if I would be able to write about something alien to me.
S

southguy

16 years ago

cool

very good keep upthe good work

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