And If So

but poetry in the second person, basically exhorting or inspiring others is basically false. I urge you to write what you feel, nor what you feel others should do. Yet again I say, your wordcrafting is improving out of sight and I applaud you for it. Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible, "the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind." [Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged]

It's a great read. I think I know what Jess means, I do that too in my poetry, but sometimes when I try to fix it, I spoil some of my poems and get frustrated...my head starts to doubt what I'm trying to write, so for me it's fab. Rosina xena465

very nice use of celestial bodies to express your emotional vibes ... i loved it... warmly ...raj (sublime_ocean)...

When poetry has congealed on every level of a poet's soul, the poet becomes a second person narrating his/her poem. Then when s/he writes, *you*... it is actually *I* and there is no discrepancy. Only then is it I-Thou poetry in essence and form. Walk into your own skin, Mona. Own yourself. All of you. ~A "Just as what you dream is your own and no one else can observe it, so the world you see is your own." ~ Nisargadatta

Liked the fact you took time to develop rhyme and meter for this wistful? read.First person ,second person ? who cares.My opinion is that message is what counts.Along line of my constant harping on "sometimes less is more"perhaps, in line 2 omit "or" and line 11 change "nothing is" to "nothing's".Probably just my classic bias showing through.Very good write......scribbler

hi mona, this reads as good as i have read from you its really good sounds great when spoken as i do , gets nom too .............zigs

Jess is right, your developement is quite apparent :) Another great optimistic write, Magic. The way I read it, this poem is about seaking companionship in a fight to reintroduce love in a world grown apart. Peace and cheers, Logic

This is a beautiful piece and as you are very aware of the light at the end of the tunnel as it were then you know that what ever you have had that has moved away in whatever way there in the light of the afterlife you will see the true colours of all these things and enjoy the wealth of them wrapping around you in pure love that will last for eternity. I may go on about after times and the things that mean a lot to me but I have been asked to write so I do. The Book is bogged down as it is not selling so much at the moment but it will one day they told me I would have to wait and I have all the other ones to write of at the moment but I am sometimes lazy. The pieces I write for Neo only take up about half an hour of my time so I tend to waste so much. I need a mentor that keeps me writing for a few hours a day, you take care of You over there, Yours As always Ian.T

Mona, rarely do I feel I want to reread several times a poem I see at Neopoet. This one of yours draws me in over and over because I like the way I feel and breathe as I read it, with additional glimpses at possible meaning each time. I think my favorite line is: shooting stars succumb the gloom. What a concept. As far as first person or second person, this has a feel of a direct message, almost like a personally handwritten letter, and I don't see the use of "you" as a collective plural meant to include yourself, but rather that you, Mona, are speaking to each single individual who is reading, one person at a time. Spelling note: The possessive of "it" does not take an apostrophe. So it should be its glare, its roundness, its brightness, its glare. For me, with that one bit of polish, this will be an absolutely beautiful and touching poem with nothing distracting from it. Your words have so much to contribute. Thank you for writing this wonderful piece.

And if so. what a great title from a poet. it is the great question that haunts many poets. nice read my friend