A Taste for Life (revised)

This has got a ring to it I need to massage my empty heart so it doesn't starve to death from pure hunger, greed makes me want to vomit green all over corporate America's black tie I hope to never hunger for more than what is necessary. I may lust once in a while but that is expected from Mrs. Shells Thanks for posting your ways of words interest me hmmm *ponders*

A couple of big, big burgers, large fries, biggest bar of chocolate...see what your poem did? You've made me hunger for the foods I love but avoid...you're a naughty guy, but seen as I love your poem, I'll forgive you. Rosina xena465

J.B. Longo-Geremia This is a clever and well s tructred extended metaphor, You have beauty in meaning in simplicity and clarity of form. Mi è piaciuto motlo!!! [I liked this a great deal] Longo

Good Valentine morning Stefan, good title and I had to read it slowly as it did come together for me also. If I may here should the first line read through (the) counter of my life I got stumped there a little, And then the packet LOL well it threw me into the frying pan again lol all in all I would love to see you continue this one or add to maybe. I have to come back and read again, I read this in spoken word here and know the pauses in between the verse. All in all got the message of the write. Pretty good, tweak tweak Magics02

Ann of Norway Oh I will give what I wrote about it willy nilly!! Stefan:- Its idea is very good and the use of metaphor as Joe says is good too, but I have some small reservations, only my point of view at this moment!! Good and bad if there are any such? As the one defines the others existence! In this poem you seem to verge on the edge of rhyme, sitting on the fence, not knowing which way to go and ending up getting rhyme in some places and not in others. The meaning of each verse is logical and good, the last two verses could be more powerful and tend to leave the realms of poetry a little too much for me, and the repetition a bit overdone, in this case you have five needs in this short poem!!!! "To fill my empty stomach of my heart"..............'to fill THE empty stomach of my heart' don't you think? I love the make-up mirror of the soul. So now I did as you wished fit it in as I wait, love Ann

That's a wow poem!. We usually apply make-up to the mirror and not the soul...trying to feed something that is always hungry, never satisfied. Empty is empty. Well done! ~A

I like how you interwove the fast food metaphor into this. The second-to-last stanza threw me off the rhythm as it seemed unfinished - and am not sure what thought you meant to convey. All in all though, an interesting write. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Life is the sun, and the show must go on and on; make it come true. Life is the sun, and the road goes on and on; paint this song any colour but blue." - Don Ross

easily my favourite of yours I've read, Stefan. Cos it has a naughty word, teehee, no seriously, it has more human viscera, less idealised profundity. I think the word need is over-used in the last two stanzas, they could be either shorter or more complex to my way of thinking. And not real sure about the title, a bit common. Just a suggestion "Feed the greed need" or some other triple rhyme. Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible

How true Stefan. very clever wording, i like your style Judy