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1997

I come to meet a man
With eyes wet as his lost
python, and just as blank:
He never mentioned it again,
though he lived
in his Grandmother's basement
and wasn't sure where it had
gone.  Cold medicine makes
my eyes ovulate, giggling
antihistamine bubbles coarsing
Through my veins like mercurial
crosshatches aiming some
where further below.  He stands tall,
this short hulk, pimpled with the
rage of steroids, all his features
resembling acne about to burst.
"Where's my fucking money?"
someone asks.  Drop stop then
roll, I tell myself.  Faulty method.
Kitsch slang erupts from his
foaming mouth, cars pass by
as a hungry knuckle cracks
on my pale jaw.  A dream,
fission, a tooth unhooked
on the stars.  I am at a bus
stop far from home.  I ask a grizzly
man without one about snakes.
"Lot of them around", he drawls.

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B

bjp

16 years 5 months ago

Dear GB,

So many un-tinny lines; thoughtful, careful, flying lines: ...Cold medicine makes my eyes ovulate... ...He stands tall, this short hulk, pimpled with the rage of steroids, all his features resembling acne about to burst.... ...“Where’s my fucking money?” someone asks. Drop stop then roll, I tell myself. Faulty method. Nice double entendre entry and exit. Still a bit me/them. But the old man is an ally. And that humour that you mentioned is here too. Brian
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Gb

Another great write its moving forward and thats a step ... I know i ma taking them myself at the moment writing stuff I am not yet in my comfort zone.. and the we/them thing ? I do it every now and then sometimes we cant help it eh ? ;) great write I loved it ... love and hugs Jayne x x
I

Ink Dragon

16 years 5 months ago

Hi, quill,

haven't seen a poem by you in while - but that might be because I don't have that much time for workshopping these days. Anyhow, glad to see you're still at it and still holding up your standard. Not a "nice" poem, but it does feel like a true story. Either it is true, or your word choices make it so believable. (I'd opt for the latter.) Loved how you came around full circle with the anguine theme. Yours, ~Nina
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear GB

Congrates on spotlight well deserved :) love and hugs Jayne x x