A Basilisk's Prolixity (final product)

shit girl, no one knows how to rant like you do...and still I never quite expect it, which is perfect... the element of surprise will always win hands down. now about that title... I'm going to eventually use "trust me sir, if I wanted to hear an asshole, I'd fart".... maybe as my signature line, maybe as my epitaph. (with proper credit, of course.) a title around that line would be kick-ass for a ball-busting poem. Love ya, Anna in the words of the immortal MJ: you're bad, you're bad. ;-) "It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." Mahatma Gandhi

Monotonous Pomposity. *G* I especially love the line "If I wanted to hear an asshole, I'd fart." Respectfully, Rett: "At twenty, if you are not a liberal, you have no heart. At thirty, if you are not a conservative, you have no brain." Winston Churchill

"like a passing wind" how that for a title? I love it when you let it all hang out. "The champ is back, the champ is back!!" you go girl with your rants!! thanks Eddie

I dont mind a good rant every now and then ... pmsl @ if i wanted to hear an asshole I would fart ... nicely done ... Love Jayne x x

My title suggestion is rather simplistic: "Pompous Ass" or "Arrogant Ass" Always, Cat

or there's no asshole like my ___________ (insert appropriate class) Professor Hugs, from Mommie Dearest "It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." Mahatma Gandhi

way cool rant. Didn't we all have at least one teacher like that? How about "talking me braindead" or something like that for a title? I'll be looking forward to the title you come up with! Yours, ~Nina

suggestion! How about "Drone" or "Drowning in the Drone" Always, Cat

Dwarf. Try this for size as to a title. THE MAN WITHOUT A SOUL Strange my friend as on this eve of the morrow I have not placed eyes on as of yet. I feal that I'm the beast you speak about. No worries poet as I will be a killer even if I never kill agian. Funny my friend the way it works to life. I say only this that I enjoyed the write. Steven A. Kacer

Jess, Generally good focus and flow with only a few minor stumbles. I’ve made some suggestions below with word additions [BRACKETED] and lines of suggested word deletions (PARENTHESIZED). For a title suggestion: Basilisk ===================================== Day in, and day out[,] your monotony persists[.] Glazed-over eyes no longer focus on you [and] (When an emotion [snuck] through) your never-ending verbosity, your unnecessary prolixity, it was utmost pompousness[.] Trust me, sir[,] if I wanted to hear an asshole I’d fart. But still my ears bleed and I’m desperate for relief[.] There’s not enough coffee in the world to keep my attention focused and I drift [ …] Dream[,] (draw imaginary devil horns) and the obligatory scruffled beard[;] Stifle a giggle at my own creativeness though I know the act is quite apropos The only difference (is that it’s ears you torture - not souls.) ===================================== Explanations: Line 01 - adding the comma forces a pause and i feel gives the aside more power Line 02 - adding the period finishes the though and lets the reader prepare for the next thought Line 04 - adding the “and” to stitch together the though more smoothly Line 05 - I stumble on any combination of “did X” Line 08 - added a period to finish the thought and get the reader to pause Line 09 - added the comma to give “sir” more contempt Line 13 - period to finish the thought Line 16 - ellipsis - you’ve got a separation of though that build in a delay and the ellipsis here might support that Line 17 - comma to support the pause Line 18 - removed “on you” as it is implied and stating it does not make the image stronger Line 19 - semi-colon to create a pause Line 24 - replaced ellipsis with period to strengthen the statement rather than indicate it might be open for discussion The vast majority of the suggestions are punctuation. A general rule to follow is either use punctuation or not but never partially use it because it becomes a distraction. But this has a good flow and strong message and with a little work will stand a little straighter and brook no disagreement. –Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

Late getting to the party~ Absolutely loved this rant! ______________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous

Shit, so this is how this site is supposed to *run*? Well done!! ~A p.s. wink. "It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." Mahatma Gandhi

And a lesson to everyone about the power of a workshop for people looking to improve their work. There is not a member of Neopoet.com who will not benefit from community review and critique and those who refuse to offer suggestions do us no favours and those who are merely presenting their work are wasting our time. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

I challenged her on a word and offered a suggestion. She took the challenge and found one that suited the poem much better and tied into the title. Damn! Seriously folks, if your suggestion for improvement spurs the poet to reach out and make their work better, not by implementing your suggestions but using them for inspiration, that is the highest compliment a poet can give. Those of you who offer nothing but pats on the back will never know what you are missing. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

I like the title but I was thinking: Prolixity Basilisk Might be worth considering. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

How did I mss this one , you amaze me with your writing ability. I just love the line "if I wanted to hear an asshole I'd fart" that is classic Jess Mom

Wow! I think that I would have to seriously consider the consequences of pissing you off. In ancient Ireland, warrior were known to kill themselves rather than suffer the slings and arrows of a satirist. (Kinsella's translation of the Tain...gives plenty of examples.) The fact that you could (even with help as you put it) put a steaming rant such as this on paper, speaks well of your creative ire. It was a real pleasure. -DS Baker