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Eight years, one month, eight days

 

Eight years, one month, eight days

after we met,

she called.

 

Eight years, four days

after we became lovers

she called on the phone.

 

Seven years, nine months, seven days

after our first fight

she called to improve her social skills

 

Seven years, eight months, seven days

after I had to go away for a while

she told me how alone she is

 

Seven years, seven months, seven days

since I came back,

bearing love and gifts

she told me of her losses

 

Seven years, one month, seven days

after we broke up,

she cried on the phone,

that she just felt weak,

couldn't make it,

apologised for crying at me

I said oh, hey, that's ok,

I'm honoured by your trust.

 

Seven years, one month, seven days

later, I hang up

and look at the phone.

 

 

 

 

 


— weirdelf, Jun 01, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

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Critiques

docmaverick

docmaverick

17 years ago

Eloquently stated....

...and I'm relatively sure that the numbered months and days time signature came afterwards, but it still was very effective, AND very astute of you to remember that detail. I think THAT was what made the poem, to me. THAT'S what told me how much you cared. I enjoyed the read. Truly. Write on ! #{:>{)}@==== docmaverick.
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

17 years ago

Hi Jess

Loneliness is a real killer. What an incredible investment of time and self you have made! Always, Cat
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

8) I always do cat,

whenever I fall in love I dive in boots and all, well sans boots, but you get my meaning. And it always ends badly but "Non, je ne regrette rien" cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
Seren

Seren

17 years ago

Naughty !

Oh Jess you bugger you made me cry ...but I loved this on so many levels ... will leave a longer comment ... when im in control and dont gush like a wanker :) ... Much love and regard Jayne x
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

Wow, that's something, tears!

[weirdelf polishes his fingernails} oh, and gush like the Kiama blowhole, really, I don't mind. cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years ago

Jess,

I like the structure of this piece, the counting of each day indeed indicates a strong emotion (as Doc has already remarked). There's a song I like very much ("I don't love you anymore"), which begins: Waiting for the telephone I can't leave the room Maybe you'll call me When I'm through the door That denial of still caring for this once beloved person, I can feel it here. (And this other part of myself, the cynical one, counts the years and days you enumerate here and thinks: "Huh? A year and a day, how curious...") Yours, ~Nina
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

As I said to Doc,

Our first fight was the only date I was not sure of. Yes, I have never stopped caring for, perhaps loving, any of my past lovers, no matter how badly it ended, no matter how much I might try to deny it. cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
Pixee

Pixee

17 years ago

A Touched Nerve

I enjoyed this piece so very much. I know how it feels! I too am alone. I still wait by my unrealistic phone hoping he will call. Your memory of time is incredible! The year 2005 started my counting, but nothing as well as you have kept up. Take care my friend, I feel the pain through your poem! Your Friend, Pixee
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

LOL, I measure time by who I was with at the time.

Which gives me mnemonic tags back to 1966. Strangely it also means I can remember almost every different day of 1979. Although I can' remember all the names, it was a wild time. cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
Morgana Tragic Proprietress

Morgana Tragic…

17 years ago

Hey Jess

A great poem in it's simplicity, the remembrance of the time frames makes it quite powerful, makes the reader feel as if they're awaiting something...just to find you yourself is still waiting by the phone...great write. Good to see you posting, my friend. Peace, love n hugs Katie
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

ta Katie,

I've told you before my muse is a tramp, well I just figured out how to get her back- make her jealous! teehee cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
O

orgami

17 years ago

Telephone

I remember when phones were black bakelite with a rotary dialer and a fabric twist plug in They were heavy Now they are lightweight and rechargable and can be carried But the heaviness of relationships still there unchanged since Neanderthals courted in ancient worlds This is a heartfelt poem It is in the right place
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

thanks mate

Ah, those old bakelite buggers. But you know, I reckon the sound quality was often better. cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
Seren

Seren

17 years ago

Jess congratulations on

Jess congratulations on spotlight I left a message on this when I went to bed and woke to find it in spotlight lol .... You take us with you to join in your patient wait for whoever she is to ring .... Its sad and poignant and beautiful and much deserving of spotlight my friend ... (hugz) Much Love Jayne X
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

It is an unusual poem for me,

both in form and content. The structure assembled itself in my head as soon as I put down the phone and the only time it took writing it was converting the dates to eleapsed time. oh, and feel free to mess with the lighted stand, I never hesitate, and an honest rating is far more important to me than spotlight. And if you look at the word hints under the stars I would agree that this poem is better than good but not awesome, cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

It is an unusual poem for me,

both in form and content. The structure assembled itself in my head as soon as I put down the phone and the only time it took writing it was converting the dates to eleapsed time. oh, and feel free to mess with the lighted stand, I never hesitate, and an honest rating is far more important to me than spotlight. And if you look at the word hints under the stars I would agree that this poem is better than good but not awesome, cheers, Jess love your pic, it reminds me of the way I fall in love, but not holding my nose, teehe
Mark

Mark

17 years ago

Good one Jess

Good one Jess I can feel it and I can see it. Even hear her voice or what my mind makes it. Mark "some things change, some things don't"
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

17 years ago

Weirdelf

This is excellent. The time progression pulls me in, the small illustrations of her attitude towards you, her need to talk, the growing interest that you have in her again, all are increasingly fascinating, until they all focus at the very last line, where they just crush together into sharp and, to me, abject loneliness. And we are left wondering where she is, and if she is even alive. Powerful stuff. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

Thanks everyone for the overwhelming response to this.

You know when someones says "I write from the heart" I usually think "oh fuck, here comes some shite poetry" and I am usually right. However this one did spring fully formed from my heart. I may be a cynical old shit at times, but I've still got one. cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

Thanks everyone for the overwhelming response to this.

You know when someones says "I write from the heart" I usually think "oh fuck, here comes some shite poetry" and I am usually right. However this one did spring fully formed from my heart. I may be a cynical old shit at times, but I've still got one. And I'm gonna give myself 4 stars cos I think it's worth it. cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years ago

Bravo!

A very revealing piece. I to am impress with the time stamp. In relationships, that leave a mark on our soul, for some reason we remember the dates and the time it lasted, yet we can't remember other things that are just as important. Good for you Jess, for sharing this with us! Thanks Bud, Eddie "and the fight continues" Life is like a railroad track that leads to many junctures, if you stand on the track Love comes speeding along and runs you over!! Splat!!!!
Cloudthings

Cloudthings

17 years ago

Hey Jess, thought this write was great, really cleverly done, in

Hey Jess, thought this write was great, really cleverly done, intrigueing & unusual. & oddly warming, & yet sort of terribly tragic (why am I telling you this???) just telling you how it comes to me I suppose... It leaves me with an odd sense of ..."shit happens"... but hhmmmm. It's the kind of experience that might have been nicer with the option of a hug from someone really good afterwards... no words just comfort. Nice to see you up here though eh!!~ Anni ~~~ "Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything." -Anon
Cloudthings

Cloudthings

17 years ago

I like the way your mind works like that Jess, reflective lad ar

Yes, I see what you mean, I like the way your mind works like that Jess, reflective lad aren't you. My thoughts on that are that it MAY have, though, your thoughts are free, I don't know it would have stopped the poem, might have added another element, or just given you a moments respite to reflect, it does for me sometimes, relieves the intensity, gives me a little cloud of peace to rest on a moment. Anyway, great work here, as I said~ Anni ~~~ "Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything." -Anon
Cloudthings

Cloudthings

17 years ago

Heh, I love it WHEN my mind works!

Heh, I love it WHEN my mind works! & I like the way our minds muck about togther... otter like perhaps Jess, though you do make a good weird elf. Cheers North/South boy~ Anni ~~~ "Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything." -Anon
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

big smile, yes we had it rough

but always loved your passion and appreciated your feedback. I bumped myself, that was kind of empowering in a trivial way. I look forward to catching up with your work, have got a lot on catching up after some time away, but will soon, cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
whitetea

whitetea

17 years ago

you’ve taken things as

you've taken things as simple as a phone call and expanded on them to be something more than that. for me too its the casual circumstances that get to me the most after an ended relationship.
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

glad to hear from you whitetea

the phone call exploded in my head, I just turned it into a poem. Perhaps that's why I can recite by heart many great poems but never any of my own, catharsis. And yes, we all know the syndrome of seeing a profile in a crowd, hearing an inflection of voice, even a particular smell, suddenly bringing it all back. It still happens to me from lovers 30 years back, and I'm glad it does. cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

intense is good,

but no, Seven years, eight months, seven days/AFTER I had to go away for a while/she told me [on the phone] how alone she is [now] Good to hear from you Kelsey, I am really trying to catch up, really looking forward to reading all your works I've missed, cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
BB

bowmore bill

17 years ago

Comment.

Hi Weirdelf, I see your friends call you Jeff. May I. Nice job jeff, the moral here is once bitten twice shy. P.s dO YOU BELEIVE IN REINCARNATION BETWEEN SOULMATES?
tbeaudet

tbeaudet

16 years 12 months ago

Absolutely my favorite one

of your works. Seven or eight years can seem like an eternity, until the phone rings and you hear that voice. Then it becomes almost like yesterday, with all the feelings and all the emotions and all the troubles. This in my opinion is your finest piece. Bravo! Tom
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 12 months ago

thank you Tom,

I should clearly write from the heart, with a calendar and calculator at hand, more often, cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

Jess

This is one of those such writes where your tag-line, 'forever unwrapping the eternal present' is so apropos. I never know what to expect when I click on your titles. I daresay this is one of your best writes yet. May your phone ring again, and may the other end carry a kind word. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Sprawling on the fringes of the city in geometric order an insulated border in between the bright lights and the far un-lit unknown" - Rush
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 11 months ago

Jess, I have missed so many

Jess, I have missed so many extraordinary poems while I was computerless 24/4 days. That problem is now remedied. I apologize to everyone. Now back to the poem. I think Bukowski is yelling in your ear (and wondering if she was a redhead) OUTFUCKINGSTANDING!!! And, btw, did I say I love it; no matter what, any woman is fortunate to have bedded with you, though some day she may not like herself for having left you. ~A "You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time; all else is grandiose romanticism or politics." Charles Bukowski
Cloudthings

Cloudthings

16 years 11 months ago

Heh... no a redhead would have stayed!!! Kidding...

Heh... no a redhead would have stayed!!! Kidding... are you a redhead too Anna... Hope so more of us is lovely. I love what you have written here to Jess about any woman fortunate enough to bed him... Yay, it's good, hope it made you smile Jess, by the sounds of it, it's true too! Love to you both~ Anni ~~~ "Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond o