When I Walk

When I walkI feel the earth shakeUnder my feetTen thousand degrees ofFahrenheit heat
All compressedUnder one pairOf ten and a halvesThe mountains my stairsAnd the rivers my pathsFree flowing inEvery directionMy words made lawMy ideas, infectionNo prophet sawNo warnings madeNobody's afraidThe world my gameThe people my spadeAll carefully placedWith no oppositionNo one claim tasteTo my free ambitionKings made to pawnsSince my recognitionThey swallow their forksRooks no longer take themThe world made evenAnd all on one planeNo war to be foughtNo innocent slainOld neighbors new friendsAnd drinking champagneA toast made to meAnd the calm that I made

— Breakinglogic, May 06, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: California, USA

Critiques

infinite_dwarf

17 years ago

Good

The imagery within the first handful of lines was very well put together. It seems that the character in your write is making himself out to be god-like. Welcome to the site, look forward to more of your work. ~Jess K. --------------- - "Until that 'morrow render unto me that which is mine; my stipend well deserved: Your sons, your daughters, your hopes and your dreams, the cruel consequence of your conceit" -Steve Earle

Breakinglogic

17 years ago

Thank you Jess! Yes, it was

Thank you Jess! Yes, it was very much about someone who sought to be godlike, and achieved it :)

Kyarain

17 years ago

Impressive

I loved the lines " Under my feet Ten thousand degrees of Fahrenheit heat All compressed Under one pair Of ten and a halves The mountains my stairs And the rivers my paths Free flowing in Every direction My words made law My ideas, infection No prophet saw" On the line "Nobody's afraid", its a little off with the way your words seem to run, perhaps "No one's afraid" would sound better. EIther way I adored this poem. Keep up the fantastic work!

Breakinglogic

17 years ago

Thank you

Thank you for reviewing, and I am thrilled you enjoyed it, Ky. I looked into your suggestion and read it both ways, I decided to keep the original text. Thank you so kindly anyways for the suggestion. Peace

D. Lee-Aseng

17 years ago

this made me think of

this made me think of something like a movie would move on and proceed. it's so simple yet complicated in the thought/imagery -- but not overly so. It's a clever compilation of wording. The ending REALLY seemed like something I would get out of a good story/move. i really did enjoy reading it. it flowed easily but held me mentally very much. your simplicity and complication mix is cleverly and adequately done! i'm going to read more of your work. Dianne

Breakinglogic

17 years ago

Thank you so much Dianne! I

Thank you so much Dianne! I really appreciate that great feedback; i'm glad you enjoyed the poem. btw, on chat I have been calling you Lee. Do you prefer Dianne? Peace