My battle

Because I am a broken record. All poetry is about structure, especially freeform. Right now the message and power of your words is getting lost in the way they are presented. The reader, at first glance, sees an almost solid block of text and has to decide, before they've read word one, if they want to be bothered. So, let's recast your poem, with no changes other than structure. Fair warning, however, free form is not my normal style but there are many on NeoPoet.com who are quite accomplished in it if you are interested in working with them you should review the Mentoring link: http://www.neopoet.com/dashboard/protege But let's move onto your poem. ----------------------------------- Sometimes the complications of the mind, can derive you of the comprehension of time. Now day’s the world is filled with drugs, money, and greed. What happened to the concept of family? What happened to the morals and values we strive to protect? We seem to lose sight of ourselves what do you expect? Sometimes we use drugs for fear of what will come next. Life has turned into a sad game of compromise and bets. Broken hearts and fallen dreams seems to control humanity, What will come of this, what we’ll do, what could’ve, what will be? For most it’s too hard to face reality. So we trick ourselves in believing a false fate. Destiny is just something that could have been great…. Being a product of a broken home, My heart slowly turns into a weathered stone. Constantly afraid of being alone, Drugs gave me comfort and a false home. I look up into the sky with plead filled eyes. If there’s some one watching over me, please give me the strength to believe, that something amazing can come from these dreams. We don’t know what the future will hold, but it’s hard to jump into the unknown and be bold. I pray for the strength from high above, why is it so hard to grasp real love. If everything in life worth having is hard to get, how do we maintain being compassionate. Everyday I’m at war with myself, it’s hard to find the right kind of help, So I try to search deep within, to find the courage to forgive the painful sins. It’s like searching for a needle in a haystack, so I keep running from myself, scared to look back I have to face it I’ve reached a dead end, I don’t know which side of me to defend. I’m facing every battle one by one, this war of hate and love. Hopefully love will have won. ---------------------- OK, I also removed the ellipsis but that's a personal failing of mine as the use of them in poetry is often maddeningly wrong. What I've tried to do with your poem is derive a cadence for the reader to follow so that the words and the emotion pull the reader through the work rather than create stumbles or roadblocks for them. One of my favorite sayings is that we, as poets, should work harder to create our poetry than the reader should to sample it. Also, I appreciate that you've put your background and motivation in your profile. It helps to understand the point of view of an author before a critique is offered. Last thing, my critique is meant only to give you thought and ideas. You, as the poet, just decide for yourself what suggestions are valid, what are helpful, what are wrong, and what just do not fit. I look forward to reading more of your work. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

I loved this poem .But I do agree with Jonathan the flow is there but the reader needs time to breath . To think about one thought that's starts another thought . No offense to you but these rhymes ! this flow is easy . To be truthful I write like this all the time . Words like mind & time , protect & expect , next & bet . This is what I am finding out all poetry doesn't have to rhyme with a rhythm . I am guilt of this it has put me on a dead end street my poetry is fast food . Don't get me wrong most poets can't even get to this level . So you are good but how far do you want to take your poetry.For me I want to write poetry that will stand the test of time Lov 2 U n Press