MY POETRY

From your photo, which I take is of you, I assume you are a gentleman over 40 which does give me a bit of a clue but you don't list your country and thus I cannot assume English is your primary language. So, for the most part, the piece above flows and serves to draw me through which is good, until I hit the last line. The last line is either an indication of English as a second language or an indication of the dreaded "poetry voice" creeping into an otherwise solid message. By "poetry voice" I mean we, as poets, can tend to tell the reader "this is important" rather than letting them decide for themselves. We do this through posturing in grammar or word choice or posing questions when we should be issuing statements. So, the last line: "What they all did see" Would work much better as " "What they all saw" I feel it fits the tone of the poem better and ends it with a statement rather than a condescending postulate. Of course, you are the poet and this is your work so you must take any and all suggestions and decide what is useful, what is not, and choose to progress from there. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)