Smoking is Hazardous

Smoking is Hazardous

2/4/2000

As of this day, I have been off cigarettes for exactly
25 days. These past 25 days have been very hard and
are still that way, but I have managed to reach some
very startling conclusions so far.  Following is
everything I have learned to date.


I am not a nice person during these times.
So far I have kicked the dog, been attacked by
the cat, who ended up with more scratches than me! As
reparation the cat has made offering of bringing me
money, the daughter's cigarettes, even hunted down and
brought the cigarette lighter to me. I think it was
begging me to light up. As for the dog, he just looks
at me accusingly and stays clear.

The Missus is very supportive.
So far she has taken it in stride. She has
endured my screaming with fortitude. She did get a
wee bit perturbed when I turned the bed upside down,
chewed holes in her favorite comforter and threatened
to divorce her if she didn't go get me a pack of
cigarettes, RIGHT NOW! I must admit, a lesser woman
would probably have left after I wrapped her in duct
tape and threatened to put her out with the garbage!

A smoker's life is in grave danger.
It's not what you think; the health effects from
smoking are not the biggest worry a smoker has. It is
people like me that is their greatest health risk.
Just yesterday at work I attacked a smoker. It took
three contractors and two operators to pull me off!
Poor guy, I grabbed his cigarettes before trying to
knock him out...that was my mistake! If only I had
done the latter first, I could at least have gotten a
drag or two before they caught me. Oh well, you live
and you learn.

Young men are stronger than I am.
Four days ago my daughter forgot to empty the
ashtray and I found it. I guess they must have heard
my moan of pleasure when I inhaled the aroma of stale
cigarette butts and came running. Between my son and
my son in law, they pulled me away screaming and
kicking, before I could so much as nibble on a butt!
Damn this getting old!

Sad to say, I ended up smoking again two years ago. This is only slightly *G* embellished.