Her Jackpot

And God bless you my friend, for writing such a beautiful and inspirational poem for and about her. If the world could play the hands we are all dealt to the best of our ability we would be centuries ahead. This poem should be an inspiration to all of us in our daily battles. Thank you for sharing it with us Tom. Respectfully, Rett: "For all you Scrooges who don't like Santa Claus or the true meaning of Christmas, BAH HUMBUG! For the rest of you, MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Rett

Tom.... I know one thing for sure, folks like you around her will continue to inspire her to be an inspiration... Bless you both. ~A "Speech is blasphemy. Silence a lie. Above speech and silence is a way out." I-tuan.

when we feel lucky to have known someone it is usually felt by both... I'm sure Anna is correct in her read between the lines of this... enriching words displayed here... Richard

The lady is lucky to have a caring friend like you. I wish her strength and health, and healing.

This is so sad, seems like the worst happens to the best people. I hope your dear friend makes it through this valley. Your poem was well thought out your buddy, Patty

Sorry to hear about your friend's struggle. As someone who has lost family to cancer I know it is a thankless and often tragic fight and I wish her the best. Now, looking at the poem. Although you've classed it as free form it follows, mostly, a strict pattern and while there is a general shifting meter (8ish, 6ish, 8ish, 6ish) for the four stanza lines, in a few places you extend it past a smooth flow and the lines drag. Specifically, ------------------------------- is to go “All In” with a lousy hand when it’s the only hand you’ve got While her family patiently stood in line -------------------------------- I'd suggest revisiting these lines and smoothing them out to remove the stumble they are causing. Additionally, the following stanza: -------------------------------- Her jackpot is her life to live each day another win Turned pages in her novel a new chapter to begin -------------------------------- Twists grammar to hit a rhyme. This is usually a bad choice and I'll give you the same advice I received when I took an easy way out of a problem line: "You can do better" Lastly, the entire poem sets a pace and expectation that the last stanza fails to keep. I've tried reading it a couple of times and still it creates a jarring and unfinished quality. ------------------------------- It’s hard to win the jackpot when you’re dealt a lousy hand But it’s not the cards, it’s how you decide to play when life doesn’t go as planned ------------------------------- It's not just that you've got five lines instead of the expected four or that you have the middle line not included in the rhyme scheme or that you've gone from an ABCB pattern to a ABCDB pattern. What really creates a stop for me is the five syllables in line three. If we couple it with line four we get an eleven syllable line, which is unwieldy, but if we keep it on it's own, we get the shortest syllable line in the poem exactly when we are looking for a smooth conclusion. I believe you should review this and make a decision either to adhere to your previous pattern, abandon any pattern altogether, or create a unique pattern that flows more smoothly. I look forward to seeing your revisions. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

I can definitely relate to the unfairness of taking away 'good' people. My aunt was one of the most generous, kind-hearted, radiant, gentle person I've ever known. she died young, and I'm still angry about the whole thing. Outstanding write, Tom. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- - "Does Rudolph fail the safety inspection if his nose is burnt out? And where does he go? I don't think he'd fit in the bay at the Jiffy Lube." Happy holidays, y'all!

ITS been long since we last talked, and this is such an emotional poem for me. in batlling with terrible and life-threatening disease, one may awestruk by how much strength he/she have. i myself have been struck by scoliosis, which inspires my THE DAY I WAS BORN poem. there is always a silver lining in every catastrophe one has to face. God doesnt test us with something that He knows that we cant cope up with. Remember, dont pray for lesser challenge, but pray for braver heart to face it. HUG ZARUL P/S : do check out and comment my COOOON

to write a rhyming poem on such a tragic subject because rhymes always have a sort of playfulness to them. there is not a single part of this poem that does not convince me. you manage to capture the emotions of this experience without missing a beat in your flow. all my respect, that's incredible. your Proprietress

Wow that's a fantstic write Tom... it's these that leave me with less words to offer that touch me the deepest, I know you know you got it when you wrote it, we are really just confirming. Acknowledging brilliantly expressed empathy & care In the end it's the best we can offer someone I think, it's what love is, being able to stand in the space of another, especially when they are really suffering, & when you are suffering, it's possibly one of the only things that can bring a tiny bit of comfort. & you have created a such a beautiful offering... Did you give this to her? One wonders if it would or would not be the thing to do, beautiful on one level, devastating on another. Thank you for sharing it, so well written & smooth. Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."