down the black cat hole

Can definitely see now what you meant by Alice In Wonderland references. Bravo! I also agree with Mason that "But before I can bleed I am sweating a monsoon." is one of the best lines in the work. Nice job done here. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"When there's no good answers, and no new questions. Another personal disaster, there's nowhere to go but down..." - Gin Blossoms

Superb line. I like the references in this and really enjoyed it. I have a somewhat similar one called "Alice Through the Looking Glass" and you reminded me of it. Quite an interesting poem you wrote. Thank you. Respectfully, Rett: "Life is like a beach. Salty, gritty, somewhat fishy and at other times, downright crabby" Rett: 2008

Excellent imagination on this piece which kept my interest from beginning to end. Because you've indicated "I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back", I have a few suggestions... For me the tempo or meter kind of changed in the middle... I think breaking off your lines into a few more would help the reader. I would also make a few subtle changes to some of the words... example I'm in my white padded room when a black cat walked by I asked the cat where he’s going expecting a meow in reply He said he was traveling asked if I'd tag along I said perhaps, but it matters if it won't take too long Without hearing an answer I walked with my feline friend But was beginning to wonder what lied beyond the river bend I asked him his name why he thought it was strange Then he told me it was Pepper and his old owner was to blame Then we finally arrived and I was greeted by cards And being clumsy, I tripped into some razor-sharp shards But before I could bleed I'd already sweat a monsoon Then before I knew it, I was back in my white padded room Now, this is just a suggestion so feel free to tell me to go to you know where if you want. I am by no means an expert, and many already like it the way it is. ONLY suggestions... Tom http://www.neopoet.com/node/12548

Hi, I don't think I've commented on anything of yours as of yet and it looks like I've been missing out... loved this! and let me give you a late Welcome to the site... Richard

for quite some time and am glad I finally went for this ride. Concentrated and images and rhythm, it is just very well done, tess :~) nice nice, Mark Man thinks this.

very good. i liked it a lot. keep up the good work and i look forward to reading more.