Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

L

It breaks my heart to see you!

It breaks my heart to see you as often when we meet                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Your talking utter rubbish and unsteady on your feet                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          We verbaly attack you telling you your wrong                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      We hope that you will stop this and try to be strong                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     You think that we don't love you                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           We loath you for our gain                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          You cannot see our anger stems from our pain                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          It breaks my heart to see you and what you have become                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Society thinks our  Jamie little more than scum                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        In and out of prison nowhere to live only a capacity for taking with nothing to give                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           My son you are dying and I can do no more                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         The answer lies within you only you have your cure !                                                                                                                                                                                                            
— Laura, Oct 27, 2008

Critiques

tbeaudet

tbeaudet

17 years 7 months ago

I think this could be great

It has so much potential... It is good. Some tweaking will make this shine. I am willing to help/offer suggestions if you would like. Tom

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.