The Bully

Rett this is so cute and true. I am freaked out by big ones. I won't even attempt to kill them, I call for someone else to do it. Thanks for the smile, Dana

I do not mind them really, I used to catch tarantulas (spelling?) and bring them home, scorpions and rattlesnakes too. My dad would get so pissed, especially when he found our pool full of catfish, crawdads and bull frogs...lol oh and the time he went to put our clothes away and saw my brother and I had an owl living in our closet, (we dug it out of the hole in the ground it lived in) brought it home. Loved the write, spiders, heh... you got a good ol' gal to go and squash them there arachnids for ya! Your friend, Mark

Only good spider is a dead spider. That goes for most bugs. This was cute, Rett. Take your wife out to dinner, she loves you.

Bullies make me quiver/shake/detonate with rage. Put them in a cage, let their skin be disengaged. cheers, Jess

This was hilarious, and ingenious. You never cease to amaze me. Thank you for my daily dose of humor!

choking on gummy bears... lol.. very good and honest poetry.. I have to kill them in my house.. although I take them outside usually... my wife is deathly afraid of them.. let me share a story with you... this happened last month.. My day starts early so I was in the bed asleep, around nine my daughter(6year old) wanted to sleep with daddy, she came in the room and saw a big spider on the blanket that was on me. She went and got my 16year old son to kill it, he came in the room and turned on the light, which woke me up...now they are looking at the spider.. it was huge and hairy looking.. biggest damn spider I had ever seen down here.. my son hit it with a slipper and all this stuff hit my face..which I thought to be spider guts..but it was babies.. must have been at least a hundred of them all over my bed and me.. even freaked me out for a minute.. and we never found the momma... she got away.. I wrapped the sheet up and went out to the woods and shook it out... and went back to bed... loved your poem Richard

everyone has at least a spider story or two ... or maybe three. I don't per se fear them, but am cautious esp. when an example of an unfamiliarly new species presents itself (I think prob'ly herself, really, rather than himself/itself). As fall approaches hereabouts, webs crisscross woodsy trails to trap the unwary. They catch me usually at approx. eye level. And of course the responsible spider is right in the middle of it. And usually quite large as spiders go. A new wrinkle just appeared in the last week or so for me: I eat breakfast at about 4 a.m., and since my greens are wild-collected, I go in search with my trusty flashlight. But if it's not shined right, I can be in for a nasty surprise. Sometimes intuition/instinct kicks in ... just in time. About a week ago I was about to pass, in dark of night, between two evergreens in the front yard when some sixth sense caused me pause. I flashed light up. And there, at forehead level and at attention, all its underbody parts directed right at me ... the biggest baddest spider in all of Michigan waited. I've held a tarantula more than once in my life; this particular spider would make at least a third of that giant beast. If I were a screamer, I'd've awakened the entire neighborhood for blocks around. But I'm not, and I simply backed away (after a minute or two spent inspecting the creature) and took a different route. Post daylight I thought to invite my wife out for a look-see. But nothing there. Gone was spider, web, and any evidence of either. Now I don't pass between two trees in the night without holding my flash at arm's length pointed vertically at the stars ... in hopes I can see ... in time. And sure enough, it's become routine now: I spot the web with its dark blob center that waits expectantly for me to be unwary enough to ... well, perish the thought. I do sometimes wonder, though, what it'd be like to have a giant spider make a meal of me. And my original discovery of spider and web making their disappearing act when daylight appears (or perhaps just before then) still holds. These creatures are nocturnal. I've no idea where they go after their nighttime ambushing. Wish I did. If I knew where they laired when not midweb, I'd prob'ly be a teensy bit more cautious in some of my outside behaviors by sunlight. Thanx, Chuck

should mention---what?! --- "Banana" spiders? That's what they're called? 'Twas almost two years ago in Puerto Rico, at a small local market in a suburb of San Juan, I picked through some tasty-lookin' bananas, presumably local-grown ... and ripened just right. A spider of precisely the sort you describe (and huge!) attacked just as I withdrew my hand. If my hand wasn't already coming toward me, the bloodthirsty rascal would've caught me ... and prob'ly left a bloody mess of my finger/hand, with an injection or two to boot as a bonus. Who knows? The spider, apparently feeling overexposed, immediately retreated backwards, its mouth parts writhing, into a dark tunnel-like place amid the sweet-smelling, lemon-tinted fruits. Looked downright vicious! Needless to say, I bought no bananas ... that day. Although it wasn't 'cause'v the spider; 'twas the outlandish price per pound of the bananas. I had/have no idea what might the spider've weighed. Or what the price per pound of spider would've been. Thanx again, Chuck

I got some serious willies reading some of the comments following your write. I'm absolutely terrified of spiders myself, but can't help standing there and staring at them either. 'Nessa sure has the goods! Scarin' off bears and squishing spiders.... wow! Spider stories: This just happened couple weeks back. We have a sort of storage spot under the stairs, and there's enough room where the door "seals" for bugs to come out. The cat went over to snuffle the door, and I looked up from my book to see what she was so interested in.... big 'ole wolf spider hangin' out on the door. So reached for a shoe, and started to creep in to squish it. I got about maybe 6 feet or so up to it, and couldn't go any further. Had sweat rolling down me, tears rolling down me, and my heart was doing a jackhammer against my chest. I was too scared to get close enough to smash it! Sent Jon after in the morning when he got home from work, but it had already gone back into the storage space. I'm sure it's laughing at me..... *sulks* ~Jess ---------------------------------------------------- "Just 'cause you have one, doesn't mean you need to be one....."

And good stories from everyone too.Where I come from,they dont grow that big,you ould dismiss them with the whiff of a hand.

and 8 legs! Congrats on the spotlight, which seems to have become your well deserved throne! Tom

Have Mercy Lord Have mercy lord Oh lord! have mercy on us Works of your hands Man; Drown in Sin Lost,tossing,toiling Have mercy Lord Stretch out hands To us, everyone Lift your Lamp To Us Everyone Let The Willing see Have Mercy oh lord!

Reading this took me back to Grade school. Then When I got to the end and saw it was a spider I was shocked with awe at how you wrote this masterpiece. An enjoyable read, My husband tremble at the thought of a snake. I fear not, but the thought of worms is another story. Lol ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara