tbeaudet

Jul 31, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Gift

The Gift

One of the greatest gifts
I have ever been given
wasn't wrapped with bows
nor was it kept hidden

Batteries weren’t included
no cord to plug in
no assembly required
and no instructions

Never needs to be polished
and it can't be replaced
it makes memories so precious
that they can't be erased

Like a hot summer sunshine
it burns bright with concern
always there without asking
for anything in return

It’s a raft when I’m drowning
it's a drink when I thirst
it's a hug when I’m shaking
when things couldn't get worse

It’s a gift that keeps giving
helps me steer through life's curves
it's the gift that's more loving
than this man deserves

— tbeaudet, Jul 31, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Boston, USA

Favorite Poets: Patti Smith, Lucinda Williams, John Prine, Bruce Springsteen, Jim Carroll, Bob Dylan, Tom Waites

Critiques

zarul

17 years 10 months ago

love this one

wonderful job excellent

tbeaudet

17 years 10 months ago

Thank you

I appreciate your reading and commenting. TOM

Arrow

17 years 10 months ago

What was it?

It's a charming sentiment whose charm could be enhanced by more consistent meter. They rhyme makes it want to roll along but the meter hampers this in places. Stanza 5 rolls along beautifuly, though.

tbeaudet

17 years 10 months ago

As I've said many times before

I have a cadence in my head that this rolls along to perfectly. Ideally, it should also 'roll' without effort for the reader as well, but it doesn't hamper anywhere for me, so I wouldn't even know where to edit. If you would like to point out the problem areas for me, I would be most appreciative. Thanks so much for your review and suggestions. Tom

Arrow

17 years 10 months ago

Be glad too

but it'll have to wait until after work . . . --Respectfully, Arrow

Arrow

17 years 10 months ago

I hate to fly in the face of all this praise, but

as promised . . . here is a stanza that doesn't work for me: Like a hot summer sunshine U U/S S /U S /S it burns bright with concern u s / s u / u s always there without asking S U / U U /S S /U for anything in return u s/u u / u u/s I think it's because the paired lines (1&3, 2&4) don't have the same pattern of stressed (s) and unstressed (u) syllables. I find line 4 particularly awkward. For me, something like this sounds better: Like a hot sun in summer, U U/S S / U S /U it burns bright with concern. u s / s u / u s It will shine asking nothing, U U / S S /U S /U not a gift in return. u u/s u/ u s But this doesn't seem to bother anyone else, so take from it what you will.

Kailashana

17 years 10 months ago

I’m probably doing it

I'm probably doing it wrong, but the meter is in the paragraph not the individual lines. Then it's smooth. (at least my version of it. lol) ~A

Arrow

17 years 10 months ago

Hmmm . . .

I hadn't thought to look at it like that. I'll have to give it a re-read when my brain is rested.

Kailashana

17 years 10 months ago

Indeed. These gifts of the

Indeed. These gifts of the heart won't ever be misplaced. The greatest gift I have ever been given wasn’t wrapped with bows nor was it kept hidden Batteries were not included no instructions inquired no cord to plug in no assembly required It never needs to be polished nor can it be replaced these memories so precious that can not be erased Like a hot summer's sunshine will burn brightly with concern always there without asking for anything in return It’s a raft when I’m drowning it’s a drink when I thirst it’s a hug when I’m shaking when things couldn’t get worse It’s a gift that keeps giving helps me steer through life’s curves it’s the gift that’s more loving than this man deserves Impromptu.. and I'd have to go back later to *hear* it again. Anyway, I love the poem. this way or that way. ;-) ~Anna

tbeaudet

17 years 10 months ago

Surprisingly, Anna

this is eerily similar to one version I had while working on this piece. It eventually evolved into what I finally posted.... Perhaps I tweaked too much??? Thanks for your comments and suggestions. TOM

Kailashana

17 years 10 months ago

strange, poems sort of are

strange, poems sort of are birthed through us... and sometimes a tweak here or there is a good thing, even if it's years later (in my case). somehow when then energy *leaves* the poem is *finished*, n'est-ce pas? Btw, the picture is eerily similar to what I did in the back of our old tv set with all those tubes.... it was a bit shocking. lol Hugs, Anna

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

Tom Tom Tom

What am I gonna do with you? I keep trying but I just can't find anything wrong. What is a man supposed to do? I have my editing pen out and find that it is useless. *sigh* It was beautiful sir! Respectfully, Rett: "On life; Ah such a wondrous thing, beauty and love to behold and experience! On death; I can wait to see..." Rett 2008.

tbeaudet

17 years 10 months ago

Thank you, kind sir..

I appreciate it! TOM

tbeaudet

17 years 10 months ago

By the way Rett....

how does this flow for you? Is the cadence of when you read it? Thanks, TOM

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

Tom

I think it flows fine. I tend to try to find the tune in a poem, especially ones from you as I know you write to a tune in your head. Read it 3 or 4 times to different cadences abd when I found one that fit it flowed flawlessly. Respectfully, Rett: "On life; Ah such a wondrous thing, beauty and love to behold and experience! On death; I can wait to see..." Rett 2008.