Rett

Jul 25, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Victim?

The Victim?

Eyes blurred, vision failing
Stumbling onward, cannot fall
Staggering drunkenly, arms flailing
Reaching blindly, finding wall

Can't think clearly, head is aching...

Pain in side, hurts bad
Blindly reeling, which way
Should remember, thought I had
Down here, why do I sway?

Side sticky, must have gotten wet,
Muddy water I think, or spilled coke??

Is that voices? Help me!
Why are they staring?

World spinning, hear whine
Can't see, what's wrong?
Thumping noise, what's the time?
Siren wailing, loud, long

(fade away...enter crowd and paramedics)

Jeez, he looks bad, how'd he make it here?
Look at that trail of blood!
Jeezus, he's cut bad, yeah, rinse them with saline,
push them back in...gently, you fool!

My God! I think he's going into arrest...
C'mon man, you made it this far, don't you
die on me now...c'mon man, fight, damn you, FIGHT!

CRAP, we've lost him!
When will the cops put more patrols here?
Jeezus, them and their motherfucking budget cuts!
Knew that do-gooder sonofabitch was gonna get it.

Seems like everytime somebody comes down here,
gonna help us,
Those freaking skinheads and druggies
waste them and
We get the blame!
Decent folk can't step out at night!

Wish them cops would put more patrols here...
You'd think once we got a new mayor
things would change.

Damn cops, Fucking Mayor, I say
it's time we did something ourselves! C'mon
people, are you gonna stand there
or are we gonna take back our neighborhood?

THERE'S ONE OF THE BASTARDS, GET HIM!

And the killing goes on....

— Rett, Jul 25, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Southern Texas, USA

Favorite Poets: Dickenson, Longfellow

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Critiques

easylife_2

17 years 10 months ago

Nice job done

I really like the way the poem flowed......Almost like you were telling a short story down there.Use of language is beautiful but is the ? really necessary on the title(Just a personal opinion anyway).I'm new to the site,would appreciate if you guys help me critique my work.Thank you.

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

Easy

On this one most especially I am looking for any and all feedback as it is an experiment. The question mark is to raise the question about, "Is he the victim or the people in that neighborhood. I may look at that after I get a little more feedback. I will be more than happy to lend a bit of critique and would like to welcome you to the site. So a great big WELCOME TO NEOPOET! Also, a thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Will give you some feedback shortly. Rett: "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill

infinite_dwarf

17 years 10 months ago

Rett!

A rant in training! I think all the damns in the 3rd to last stanza kind of detract away from the moment, though. Any way you can put some more fire into this work? It's a nice, angry, "I'm out for blood" work, and just needs to grow a little bit more teeth. This has a lot of potential for a good stand and cheer rant....just needs some Miracle Grow. ~Jess K. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "As I was going up the stair, I met a man who was not there, he wasn't there again today, I wish that man would go away!"

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

Thanks Jess K

I appreciate all feedback on this one and will see what I can do. It is an experiment to see how it will work and how people react. You have given me some food for thought and I will try my best to act on it. I truly appreciate it. Respectfully, Rett: "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Hi Rett...

leaves me wondering where are the good guys today.. easily motivated mob rage is not a pretty picture.. but you've captured the picture just the same.. The victim ... I don't know who he was but it seems like the whole world is really the victim of random and motivated acts of violence.. and its pissing us off... this was an idea I had while reading.. I wonder if that was where you were going? Richard

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

You got it Richard

More and more violence and an inability to act, for many reasons, among which are budget cuts on the part of our police departments and the erosion of the citizens rights to protect themselves. I think sooner or later the lid is going to blow off and we are going to see mobs forming. I can see it simmering now. I am not a Seer by any means, I am just looking at news. Rett: "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill

tbeaudet

17 years 10 months ago

A sad testament to the state of things today

and I think a lot of the violence we are seeing is due to the glorification of this "Gangsta Mentality" and the whole hip-hop culture. Guns, drugs, prostitution etc. Half those thugs should be in jail, not making millions poisoning our society. We are all victims if we allow it. Interesting piece, Rett. Tom

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

Thanks Tom

That may be a large part of it. This is an experimental piece for me as this is by no means my style or my way of talking, but I wanted to mix the styles and to put a little shock value to it also. I wanted to see if it would get the attention of some that would not normally read and see if it would possibly open a few eyes. I seriously don't think I will write anymore in this style as some of the words actually turn my stomach. *LOL* You hit it right on the nail that we are all victims if we allow it. That is the main problem. Too many of us allow it. Thanks for reading and commenting. Rett: "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill

DarkinAZ

17 years 10 months ago

Yes I feel ....

Like this is more of a rant as well, maybe some polish a little less vulgarity (maybe) this is the second "experimant" poem I have read of yours today. Still like the Old way best, "What did you do with Rett?" Your friend, Mark

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

Mark

I tend to experiment at time and as you can see, not always to good result. The real Rett will return tomorrow my friend. Sometimes the strange one takes hold...woooooeeeeeeooooo. *L* I really appreciate the fact that you like my normal stuff as that is the way I prefer to write. Thanks again my friend. Rett: "This way to the Great Egress" P.T. Barnum