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M
muttering_madwoman
Apr 08, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Blue Eyes

These blue eyes they sparkle,
This smile shines bright;
These cheeks they glow rosy,
My face beams delight.

This mind it screams out,
Gone silent from fear;
This heart it cries tears
That no one can hear.



                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           
— muttering_madwoman, Apr 08, 2008

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T

Tink

18 years 2 months ago

this is touching all on its

this is touching all on its own, but knowing you personally, it has deeper meaning to me. i can relate to this one on several different levels and in many separate memories. i enjoyed this one.
M

muttering_madwoman

18 years 1 month ago

deb

every day the meaning can be applied, at some time or another. YOU know, girl. love ya Nik
tbeaudet

tbeaudet

18 years 2 months ago

I like it very much

but I want more. I suggest you add to it, it has great potential. If you do add more, I want to be the 1st to read it. Tom
M

muttering_madwoman

18 years 2 months ago

thanks

thanks for reading, and for your comments. I won't be adding to it, though. i could, quite easily, but everything that needs be said is said as it stands. i feel that more wouldn't be better, but would rather be superfluous. please do keep the fedback coming, its appreciated Niki
A

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

The light sing-song quality,

The light sing-song quality, yet perfectly constructed, reminiscent of Blake, The Songs of Innocence. Ominously, it begs, what would its counterpart be, in the Songs of Experience? As a minor punctuation note, I question the first semicolon, would it not be better a comma, as the first stanza, at least to me, seems to be one thought; then the second stanza, the reveal, as it were, has more strength with its summation, its close: This heart it cries tears That no one can hear. Just a thought.
M

muttering_madwoman

18 years 2 months ago

punctuation

i went back and forth on this myself, at writing. i decided on the semicolon usage based on pacing. i wanted the reader to pause there. I wanted the poem that simple, and short (could go on and on, but it's all in the lines above, more would have been repitition and details, and i think would have taken strength from the simplicity of statement). so i wanted to make sure i paced the reader, each thought pausing before the next, creating a slow tempo, assuring that the simple sing song lines had more impact. its very easy to rush through this ditty. didn't want that. don't know if it worked or not, but i've kept the semicolons. thanks greatly for the input, thanks even more for stopping off here to read. Niki
M

muttering_madwoman

18 years 1 month ago

chuck

many thanks for the kind words on this piece. as stated, i felt the semicolons were important for pacing. and the few words for impact. appreciate you stopping by...come by anytime, heh Niki
R

rider68

18 years 2 months ago

Few words

So much said, with so little explained, This is enough All has been explained, No more to be gained. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This heart it cries tears That no one can hear. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So many could relate to this - Sadly. Thanks For Sharing Regards Peter
M

muttering_madwoman

18 years 1 month ago

peter

i think every human above age ten may relate...and a few even younger. we've all been there, eh? or i'm weird again :) either way, really appreciative of the feedback. Niki
themoonman

themoonman

18 years 2 months ago

Hi Niki..

Sometimes we have to smile to keep from screaming.. I wouldn't change anything in this well versed piece... Richard
M

muttering_madwoman

18 years 1 month ago

thanks

means a lot, richard. i like your taste in poetry, so for you to enjoy my scribbles means much. again, i don't often flee to my pen for the cheery stuff :) Niki
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

WOW!

"This mind it screams out, Gone silent from fear;" Chilling lines to me. As Richard says, don't change a thing! Always, Cat
M

muttering_madwoman

18 years 1 month ago

thanks for the wow

i like wow. 'specially in this crowd, where the language use is endless in ability. really appreciate you reading, and real glad you enjoyed. though with my ugly side of town work, is enjoy the right word? love, Niki
N

Notso

17 years 6 months ago

Screaming on the inside is

Screaming on the inside is what I do best as the pain grows and the fear over rides all. We are beautiful on the outside while the Demons dwells below the surface