Perfect Fit

But in a good way, I am sure. I hate to admit it, but the wandering rhythm and rhyme pattern was a distraction for me. Not a huge distraction but I found myself looking for a pattern that was not there and that slowed me down and caused me to re-read lines. I would almost classify this as five (5) related poems as the structure changes from stanza to stanza. Overall it is an effective piece but disjointed in structure even though the narrative did its level best to make it seamless. Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

"and i realize you are still the perfect fit" great ending...although i cant relate to it i still like it ;) fragile things: take flight!

Jonathan is right Lacy this is a poem with a sensual joined up story but a very disjointed rhythm structure. What you want is to sweep us headlong from first touch through to orgasm building all the way until your ulltimate slightly tongue in cheek "perfect-fit" punchline. So here are some suggestions to help reach that inevitable climax with an inexorable rhythm. lol: A cupped, supple breast A taut, erect nipple That rakes across your chest And feels your body ripple I moan as your arching pulls me closer to you. You groan as your stretching lets my wanting slip through. The thrusting rhythm builds as you plummet my depth movements frenzied and frantic as we reach ‘little death’ You stop, drawn up tense staring into my eyes with a look so intense that it sets off your cries I shout out your name as jerking spasms hit And I realize that still you are the (my?) perfect fit. Hope this helps to show what I mean. Keith

I read straight down it with no problem and can only say one thing - YeeHaa!!! A nice bit of an erotic poem well done and not overdone :) I thouroughly enjoyed the experience. Maybe it can be better I don't know but I certainly will be watching :) Truly, Mark

I thought it was a very nice piece of eroticism, just as it is. I much enjoyed reading. Always, Cat

Whew....!