Candlewitch

Mar 15, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Traitor Within

by: c.m.m.

her mouth

the color

of ripe bruised blackberries...

his dominance

a trickle of warm poison

spreading opium's fire in his veins...

her submission

a shameful denial

and the death of her vision...

his cruel lust

savage and raw

a time-bomb ticking in his loins...

the fervor in which he took her

caused her body to respond

against her mind's will...

it was undeniably the ultimate

unforeseen act of betrayal, sending her

scrabbling after her ragged dreams...

— Candlewitch, Mar 15, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more., Candlewitch

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Critiques

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thank you

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts on this poem with me. The tital: "Traitor Within" is in reference to lines 14 and 15, but I will consider a title change. Always, Cat

themoonman

18 years 2 months ago

Goodness...

what a taboo subject matter..and done so well..I do agree the last two verses are in differant form but I think it does not hurt the poem in the least...well done.

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thank you for your insightful comments! I tend to tackle the taboo. Something that has not endeared me to my family who liked to brush the taboo under the rug. Instead, I shout from the roof tops... Always, Cat

Janice Pearce

18 years 2 months ago

Hello there!

Just my opinion, a title does not have to include any word from the poem I enjoyed reading this one, great job!

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thank you Janice

This poem has been published, but I am always trying to improve my poems. I am glad that you enjoyed reading it. And thanks for the title tip. Always, Cat

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

leave as is, Cat

The last two stanzas are what hit hardest. Perhaps some readers will have difficulty with the raw truth they hold. I have always appreciated your willingness to tackle the taboo, drag it out into the light, and hold it there against its will. ~ Ronda

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thanks, Ronda This was a

Thanks, Ronda This was a tough one to take on, but I do like to take the bull by the horns. It probably comes from being told to keep my mouth shut much of my early life. I appreciate your vote of confidence! Always, Cat

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

Powerful piece, and those

Powerful piece, and those last two stanzas, with their above-noted change in form, were exceptional. I think you changed the style for them to indicate the beginning of your narrator's confession, am I right? Both sides of the story told, both humans unveiled as having weakness and yes, dark desire. The poem resonates and I think I will remember it long after my comments have evaporated from my mind. Fabulous piece, I advise nothing but to let it stand.

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thanks Alobar,

I think that most of those who have read this piece don't understand the implications of those two stanzas. How a body can react without the mind being willing,(and the shame...) especially after a few years of abuse. But you and Ronda do. Thanks for "getting" it. Your tactful and insightful comments are greatly appreciated. Always, Cat

tbeaudet

18 years 2 months ago

A passionate piece, that I read over and over

that sent me looking up the word, SCRABBLING. I thought I knew what it meant, although I don't know if I ever have used it myself. 1. To scrape or grope about frenetically with the hands. 2. To struggle by or as if by scraping or groping. 3. To climb with scrambling, disorderly haste; clamber. 4. To make hasty, disordered markings; scribble. You made me think, ....Love this one. Tom

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thanks, Tom

Scrabbling is a great little word and it served for exactly the right meaning I was going for. Glad you looked it up, perhaps you can use it in one of your poems. Thanks for reading and commenting :) Always, Cat

barbsdad2003

18 years 2 months ago

Reminds me of a time ...

between marriages when a young woman let herself into my bedroom, removed her clothes, and crawled under the covers. When I asked her to leave, she laughed ... and then waked me/groped me in the middle of the night ... until I, so angry then, succumbed. Of course disappointing myself all the while in action. And then there was a time when ... Yours (and thanx), Chuck PS: A great, insightful write here. Impressive. I like.

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thanks for reading Chuck

I can greatly appreciate the ball of intense mixed feelings that must have been yours at the time. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that experience. Thanks for reading and commenting. It is nice to know that one wasn't alone... Always, Cat