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A
Arrow
Member since May 24, 2008
Member for 18 years
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member
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Rhyme to Free Verse [Spreading Wings]
Original: Not of This Word by Scribbler
Should you see me standing still
eyes unfocused, far away
I'm visiting some wooded hill
where I walked one bygone day.
Or sitting looking at the sky
attention lost amongst the blue
perhaps emmiting a slight sigh.
I'm not really next to you.
The real me only visits here
stopping off from time to time
to check on those whom I hold dear
or dash off some short clumsy rhyme.
Beyond the trails is my true home
Read the rest of the poem Show less
where trees are tall and hills are steep,
the places deer and bobcats roam
not among the human sheep.
So let me walk my wilding way
each day at least a little while
that world of green and mossy gray
which lends to me this quiet smile.
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Free Verse Revision: The Lover
I cherish you and I cannot stop
This infidelity! Her body bends
outside my window, rustling me
to remembrance in every season.
My young boy's body easy,
boldly natural in her forest
(not among the human sheep)
I cherish you and I see her.
I did not know my could eye experience so much blue-
sunny, stormy, sky, light, steely, carolina, true,
electric, baby--
breathing her in
sighing her out
next to you
I cherish you and I confess
with a clumsy nature poem
like a cheater confesses with gold earrings
and a grocery store bouquet
while secretly drinking wine in sunlit tulip fields
I cherish you, and our life, and our house
that is my inn on the journey home
to where trees are tall and hills are steep,
to where deer and bobcats roam
(not among the human sheep)
Indulge this graying lover, please;
Nature dominates this beast.
Arrow’s timeline
- May 2023
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23 TueAnniversary
15 years of membership
- September 2021
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14 TueCritiqued
"Of water (I)" by @arjiris.f.
"Is this visual poetry? concrete poetry? I'm never sure of the difference. I'm afraid I can't offer much thoughtful commentary on this style or e e cummings-like punctuation so I'll just give my impression. I feel like t…" -
06 MonCritiqued
"Rejoice" by @Owl Has My Soul
"There is nothing wrong with the poem. I'm just sharing my perspective as additional ideas that you can use or not, to your liking. We all have our own voice." -
06 MonCritiqued
"Rejoice" by @Owl Has My Soul
"There are a lot of good things here and I think the poem could lend itself to lots of forms. I think this particular version would be stronger without lines 3 & 4. To me, a rabbit knowing how to leap, in itself, suggest…" -
06 MonCritiqued
"The Crumbled Love (Reviewed)" by @Jackweb
""whose eyeballs glitters like shooting stars" - great line! "Your love was truly a wolf in sheep clothing" - not a great line (cliche). "I have lost the child of my imagination" - confusing line. Does it refer to the fa…" - August 2021
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12 ThuReceived a critique
on Rhyme to Free Verse [Spreading Wings] from @Triskelion
"did I miss this? Sorry I'm so late. Arrow's version does convey the general feel of scribbler's poem with an interesting twist by breaking it up into two parts, so that is an intriguing style I will consider in the futu…" - July 2021
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31 SatReceived a critique
on Rhyme to Free Verse [Spreading Wings] from @scribbler
"I can see how you interpreted it as such and once a poet turns a poem loose it is up to others to interpret it as they see fit.In fact this poem was meant to address anybody who happened to see me bemused. The clarity's…" -
31 SatReceived a critique
on Rhyme to Free Verse [Spreading Wings] from @Obadiah Grey
"I completely agree with your "spring board" comment! We all pick each others pocket, its called inspiration. I enjoyed both the original, and your piece, Cheers. Obi." -
31 SatReceived a critique
on Rhyme to Free Verse [Spreading Wings] from @Obadiah Grey
"Her body bends outside my window, rustling. a remembrance in every season. a young boy's body easy, boldly natural in her forest (not among the human sheep) I did not know my eye could see so much blue- sunny, stormy, s…" -
30 FriReceived a critique
on Rhyme to Free Verse [Spreading Wings] from @scribbler
"This one took a while to get around to conveying the original writer's intent. But I reckon we will see what others think" -
29 Thu
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25 SunReceived a critique
on The Sun Came by Etheridge Knight [Spreading Wings] from @scribbler
"It was ME who missed the internal rhyme and having a sample of such is a good thing" -
24 SatReceived a critique
on The Sun Came by Etheridge Knight [Spreading Wings] from @scribbler
"I guess I have become too used to end rhyme and missed the internal rhyming. If this is Your poem you are free to change it to what you have here but it's a bit unclear to me if this was written by somebody else." -
24 SatReceived a critique
on The Sun Came by Etheridge Knight [Spreading Wings] from @scribbler
"Not much rhyme here. I'll not say you need to post another poem but you might consider doing so." -
23 FriCritiqued
"Stretching wings workshop (rhyming exercise)" by @Triskelion
"use of an internal rhyme tying in in the previous end rhymes. Nice! I am going to have to find a way to try that." -
23 FriCritiqued
"Wishful Thinking... [Spreading Wings]" by @Geezer
"This has a kind of in-your-face, who cares what you think attitude so line 5 strikes me as a little subdued. I feel like the narrator is more likely to call the reader a fool. I agree with Thomas about the last stanza…" -
23 FriCritiqued
"NOT OF THIS WORLD {Haiku version}(Spreading wings shop)" by @scribbler
"I was just thinking I liked that line because it is a little clumsy, which reinforces the content of the line! My little nit would be "I'm not really next to you." I feel like this is obvious, given the other lines and…" -
23 Fri
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23 Fri
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01 Thu
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01 Thu
- June 2021
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02 Wed
- April 2021
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21 WedNew follower
@Walt77
- March 2021
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22 Mon
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09 Tue
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08 MonPosted a poem
The Licorice Fields at Pontefract by John Betjeman
"The Licorice Fields at Pontefract by John Betjeman" -
06 Sat
- May 2018
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23 WedAnniversary
10 years of membership
- May 2013
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23 ThuAnniversary
5 years of membership
- May 2011
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01 SunNew follower
@paper umbrella
- April 2011
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19 TueNew follower
@Breakinglogic
- June 2010
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26 Sat
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26 Sat
- December 2009
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03 ThuCritique milestone
1,000 critiques given
- May 2009
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23 SatAnniversary
One year of membership
- May 2008
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26 MonFirst critique offered
on "To Late The Dream" by @poewriter58
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24 SatFirst publication
Cancer (since unpublished)
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23 FriJoined Neopoet
Membership begins
First poem published 1 days later.
About Me
Location: USA
Favorite Poets
Lucille Clifton; Adrienne Rich; Gerard Manley Hopkins; Philip Larkin; Anna Swir; Christina Rossetti; Hilaire Belloc; John Betjeman; Frederick Goddard Tuckerman; Yevgeny Yevtushenko
Recent Work
Contest Wins
This member has not yet won any contests.
Workshops
| Skill level: | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Stretching wings (Let's Begin) | (syllabus) | Olympic Pool | Started 2021-07-20 | Concluded |
| RHYME PATTERNS (let's begin) | (syllabus) | Splash Pool | Started 2021-02-24 | Concluded |
| A NEW FORM ( let's begin) | (syllabus) | Wading Pool | Started 2014-08-04 | Concluded |