I pointed
but when I did
my accusation left me stained
with a color I could not conceal
and left me with a glow
others shrank away from.

I shouted
and those I love all cringed away
expecting mindless rage of violence
from a man they thought they knew

I drank
And fell into a pit of hatred
Few men of my family
Have climbed from
In the hurtful moments
When abhorrence turns outward
From self-loathing
And smothers unsuspecting friends
And family with real horror

We can’t remember our
first story
like we can’t remember our
first step

but both were like
an inaugural flame
the million mile engine’s
initial spark
the dawn of a forty
fifty, eighty
year day

100 million steps
through museum and supermarket
remote woods
and bustling colonnades
disappearing in sand
and echoing down the halls
of loved ones'
hearts

Like a flash you emerged as the third child
then I took your leave
Years lapsed you grew
about you I never knew

Got married
had kids twins
a girl and a boy
all were happy
but your doctor hubby
said one is mine,
the other's whose
he abused and kicked you

Out of court you separated
then what was there to do

Nothing

to save your image and protection
your brother got you married
to his subordinate

No sex no kids
No legal hassles
Life again moved on

a type of silence
is spreading

a slice of the earth
falls away

some laugh, some get fat
others over the edge venture

a type of silence
falls away, Tiangu, I defy you!

a slice of the earth
is spreading

falls away, others over the edge
the dupes write missives of apology

some rat, some sell hooks
basic precepts, basic precepts

mit einem langweiligen Buch
kann er nichts anfangen

il porte un costume sans tête
La esencia del absurdo conquista la mesa de la Autoridad!

The old traveler takes a pause
beneath an oak of age untold
whose roots grasp the ground like giant claws
near to a spring that's clear and bold.

A declining house with roof of tin
broods silently with empty windows,
a remnant of the world" back when"
whose roof flaps when hard winds blow.

For now that wind comes from the west.
It smells of moss, of leaves....of years;
setting my thoughts on a vague quest,
loosening some long still gears.

And there she was, a light in the darkness
an oasis in a desert place;

and all the others faded into the distance
my eyes hoarding light only for her.

I watched as she danced, saw a celebration,
an outgoing of joy and warmth and love.

And when later I looked full in her face
I thought, “how beautiful you are!”

they danced in a dream
of bending shadows
face down
begging ass
all hungry back door paradise

ankles strapped on a foot worn floor
paint faced in Ubangi nights
with pin needle eyes
beded
blood crimson neon's
cut curtains
like kissing claws
so their bodies wouldn't forget
dark pleasures lightening
and biting tantra tantrums
they swallowed mad bitch blossoms of hell candy
breathing the others inhalations
foot sniffing ballet arch
in fastened Japanese melting red slippers

the group's absurd March to understanding
Lee Chang-dong ripe cries April
sensations high fall

June group therapy--slanted, webbed cow, an ex-abbreviation for thou--
lightness silly girls down beating, humming at the elite--
sanctuary denied--all the cow girls cried: exceedingly tanned!

black labs growl gruel on the brink of hammered jazz, why?
Basic German cells slam shut bang--what maneuver do you require?
Wallander Kenneth improvises to the croaking of nails...

I imagine these lampposts
Have roots
Tangled beneath the concrete

These buildings
With foundations
Stories beneath the ground
Like massive glaciers
In and out of water

The country, the garden
Is not the only
Land of substratum metaphor

We walk freely
In forest or burrough
But so much of us
Is sucking nutrients
From the place we are

The familiar news
Of a gang
Related death
The store or shelter
Established
On 22nd Street
For years