Zaftig's puppet

Otherwise known as the property manager
would be the name of the muppet
if Sesame Street happened
to be in the market seeking
another character maintaining
his/hers, him/her, and they/theirs
role of minor boss
in the video game Cuphead.

Though geared
for the preschool set of kids
there needs to be
additional realistic animatronics
to reflect the so called
"real world" tragic/comics
circumstances, and I
would be the first
to sign up for said opportunity
to feign returning
volley for volley
mean boys who bullied me
all throughout my childhood,
adolescence and emerging adulthood
and even into
senior citizen bank hood.

Yours truly exhibited
classic scapegoat mien
diminutive, (Hermit the frog) green
within the figurative gills
and lad who talked
with a noticeable nasality
linkedin to a minor mutation identified
as submucous cleft palate*
an opening in the muscles
of the soft palate,
beneath a thin layer
of tissue (mucous membrane)
characterized as a Bifid or split uvula,
a small, fleshy, teardrop-shaped
flap of tissue hanging
from the back of the soft palate,
located in the middle
of the posterior oral cavity
crucial for speech,
saliva production,
preventing food/liquid
from entering the
nasal cavity when swallowing,
and acts as a barrier
to trigger the gag reflex,
and thus I happen to be a mutant -
cause in my case that fleshy,
conical projection
hanging at the back
of the soft palate,
mine happened to be split
cause yours truly born that way
with a poker face
often referred to
in anatomical terms
as the palatine uvula or staphyle
giving rise to such common,
informal synonyms include
the "[throat dangler],"
"[dangly bit]," or "throat thingy,"
which congenital defect
unfortunately produced
a severe nasal sound
cause much air
went thru my little button nose
and disallowed me
to inflate a balloon
plus which reminds me
of a famous uvula joke
courtesy Google where
A famous uvula joke
comes from the 2006
animated film Monster House,
where a character
mistakes the anatomical term
"uvula" for "vulva"
to determine the house's gender,
which scene features the lines:
"Then that must be the uvula...
So it's a girl house?"

Besides yours truly id est me
other persons with
said condition as mine include
Cheech Marin: Actor and comedian,
known for his work
in "Cheech & Chong".
Carmit Bachar: Singer and former
member of the Pussycat Dolls.
Stacy Keach: American actor
Tad Lincoln: Youngest son of Abraham Lincoln.

*Prosthodontist Dr. Mohammad
"Mo" Mazaheri (1927–2025)...
devised prosthesis to empower Split Uvula.

Up until I entered six grade
(at Henry Kline elementary -
a one classroom per grade school)
classmates bullied, derided,
and feigned to hammer -
jabbing leering, nasty
pimping ragout as a rule
which boyhood self of mine
availed a perfect
red bulls eye target
with combination of diminutiveness,
being painfully quiet,
essentially remaining
mum (except toward
Chris Anthem) the entire day
except when called upon
to answer question
thence utterance
emanating between lips
produced and emitted,
a strong nasal sound to boot
grist for the mill, sans
malice meted, mimicked,
and mocked mashup
of mine warped congestion
ah, twas only
by a fluke conversation,
whence speech pathologist
informed my parents about
The Lancaster cleft palate clinic,
where oral an examination
revealed minor birth defect
identified as a submucous cleft palate,
which explained severe pinched twang
somewhat mitigated
wearing removable prosthetic
fastened with clasps to upper teeth
whereby a makeshift miniature
plastic protuberance closed the gap
(at the expense of practically gagging me)
so air would be prevented
passing thru my button nose,
and thus gentle and soft as a shutterfly
shunted air out oral opening
though congenital defect disallowed
returning merchandise back to sender
nor could blame be affixed
at either father nor mother
who both harbored the genetic mutation
now such admissions re:
aforementioned impediment allows,
enables and provides boasting rights
if in a mood temper any
curiosity or satisfying a rumor
whispered down the ally
whence I said “ah” left
nagging nincompoops
as if pie hole filled with a gobstopper.