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Nov 22, 2018
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Zac
Danced into my life
With your demons close behind
They dont dance you proclaimed
Our small talk was big
Our big talk insane
BUT demons do dance
they danced you away
I'm left here to stay
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is a poem about my friend who lost his battle with his addictions
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
6 years 11 months ago
So sorry...
to hear that. I have friends that are addicts, I cringe each time I hear that they have fallen again. But, hope springs eternal and I keep hoping. This little poem is simple and yet somehow conveys a sense of loss in a way that is elegant. A lesson that many can take to heart. Thank you for sharing.
P.S. You have a typo in [demon] do dance.
~ Geezer.
.
IRiz
6 years 11 months ago
Hello Hero1
Hello Hero1
this is a good poem, full of bitterness and dancing demons.
Welcome to Neopoet!
I am looking forward to hear more from you, unlike other platforms our readers have longer attention span so don't be afraid to write less cryptic messages
Race_9togo
6 years 11 months ago
Hi Hero1,
This is better, more coherent, more flowing, with stronger emotions and better cadence.
Keep it coming, this poetry's pretty good.
One suggestion: try adding the smallest piece of description in your poetry that shows your audience who or what the poem is about. It could be a stanza, a single line, a couplet, even a single word in the right place can make your audience go 'Aha! That's what it's all about!'; it's better to have the reader work it out because that has more impact, it helps the reader identify with your subject, and it involves your readers in a bit of thought.