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Nov 01, 2013
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You are so intimate.......inspired by....
You are so intimate.......inspired by you.
You are so intimate
that's what I thought
as I stepped forward
my chest seemed to be caught
in the lengthy nails
I imagined to be,
too true
yes that's true,
then side twists of my body
upon yours curvaceous
jerked me off
as you tried to too,
but sudden transformation of a reality,
to a dream that now say you,
made me go down the corridors
naked to scream
foul play upon my nerves
I did display,
how could you place
my thoughts in disarray
to calm me down to look like a fool
imagining in my dreams
Sweety twas really you!
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Seren
11 years 11 months ago
Loved
I really thought this piece shows some potential, I enjoyed the journey it needs a little work but I know how you like to keep your pieces as is, usually lol If you would like some crit I would be happy to provide some for you
nice to read you again
love JC xxx
loved
11 years 11 months ago
have you forgotten
all your edits on my works
are like cake icings
and all love it
thanks kindly do
a half baked poet I am ...
you know that too
born poet
no knowledge
wesley snow
11 years 11 months ago
I agree with Seren.
This was not entirely clear throughout. But I don't think it would take any effort to clarify.