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Words Unsaid
The phone rings once,
Twice,
Three times,
Then settles back into the dark,
Left alone and silent.
About to leave the house
To have a night out for dinner,
He grabs his phone,
Sees a missed call
And a voicemail.
“Hey, it’s me.
Sorry to call,
I’m sure you’re busy.
I just wanted to hear your voice…”
A long stretch of silence came
With only the sound of the wind
And a steady breath
Coming through the line.
“Anyways, call me back if you can.
I’ll see you later.
Bye.”
He didn’t hesitate to call back.
The phone rings once,
Twice,
Three times…
And again.
And again.
He knew something was wrong.
His brother was calm.
Too calm.
He grabbed his keys
And forgot about dinner.
Driving to his brother’s house,
He gets a call from “Dad”.
“Hey,” Dad said with a cracked voice.
“He’s gone.”
He hung up without a word
And replayed the voicemail…
Listening for the things
that were never said.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 week 6 days ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem effectively captures a moment charged with tension and unspoken emotion, using the motif of phone calls to build suspense and convey the unfolding tragedy. The repetition of the phone ringing “once, twice, three times” creates a rhythmic anchor that mirrors the protagonist’s growing anxiety and the cyclical nature of hope and despair.
The use of silence—both literal in the voicemail and figurative in the “things that were never said”—adds depth to the narrative, emphasizing the emotional distance and the weight of unexpressed feelings. The contrast between the brother’s calmness and the protagonist’s urgency is well-drawn, heightening the sense of foreboding.
One suggestion for strengthening the poem would be to consider varying the line lengths or stanza breaks to enhance pacing and emotional impact. For example, shorter lines or stanzas at moments of heightened tension could amplify the urgency, while longer lines might suit reflective moments. Additionally, exploring more vivid sensory details—beyond the sound of the wind and breath—could deepen the atmosphere and immerse the reader further.
Overall, the poem’s straightforward language and clear narrative make the emotional core accessible, but there is room to experiment with form and imagery to intensify the reader’s engagement with the story’s emotional stakes.
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