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Jun 10, 2011
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A "Who-Done-It"
a semi-rude awakening
uncalled for
who opened the blinds
who let the sunshine in
where is my identity
it was right here last night
where did this one
come from
I hate new things
well, it seems I used to
now having second thoughts
I really do like it
this new sense suits me fine
"off with the old, on with the new"
who said that
was someone here
I thought was a dream
no, really, what happened
I am smiling before noon
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Nordic cloud
14 years 10 months ago
Oh what awakening Brittle
Oh what awakening Brittle light ..came to you and flooded your senses and in such a lovely way you described the happening; I like the sudden looks from in to out, and the confusion as to what reality you are in, a bit like grandmother's footsteps - suspense:-
"who said that
was someone here
I thought was a dream"...although maybe (was it a dream would be enough-less is more!)
LuvAnn of N.
Ink Artist
14 years 10 months ago
i like the short, stark lines
i like the short, stark lines, very succinct and impacting. it feels like the brevity of length also matches the short attention span of the narrator and i don't say that in a critical way. i felt the quick pace of thought and the suspension of identity. a very enjoyable read. :)
~lori
Kailashana2
14 years 10 months ago
Like your stuff, as usual Al.
Like your stuff, as usual Al.
Strange isn't it? Being the same and yet, not?
~A