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Jul 10, 2025
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where hermits go to shop
A hermit strolls in solitude,
Through aisles of spectral hush;
Each item glows in lyric touch—
A loaf, a pear, a thought subdued.
A breeze of absence sweeps the aisles,
Where jars catch glints of moonlit haze;
Soup cans ponder far-off days,
Their labels queue in quiet piles.
Walls fold into a dreamlike sway,
Perspective bends, aisles intertwine;
Where groceries dwell in lines divine,
A hermit shops, the world away.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem creates a vivid, surreal atmosphere by blending the mundane act of shopping with ethereal, dreamlike imagery. The central figure, the hermit, embodies solitude, and the setting—a spectral, almost otherworldly grocery store—effectively conveys isolation and introspection.
The use of sensory details, such as "a loaf, a pear, a thought subdued," and "jars reflect the moonlit haze," enriches the imagery, inviting readers to engage with the scene on multiple levels. The personification of inanimate objects, like soup cans musing and labels humming, adds a whimsical, slightly uncanny tone that complements the hermit's solitude.
The poem’s structure, with its consistent quatrains and rhyme scheme, provides a rhythmic flow that mirrors the hermit's measured, solitary stroll. However, some lines feel slightly abstract, such as "Each item glows in lyric touch," which might benefit from more concrete or emotionally resonant language to deepen the connection with the reader.
The final stanza’s depiction of "walls fold into a dreamlike sway" and "aisles intertwine" effectively conveys a shift from physical space to a mental or emotional landscape, reinforcing the theme of retreat from the world. The closing line, "A hermit shops, the world away," succinctly encapsulates the poem’s essence but could be strengthened by a more distinctive or surprising image to leave a lasting impression.
Consider exploring more varied diction to heighten the poem’s emotional impact and clarify some of the more abstract phrases. Additionally, experimenting with line breaks or enjambment might enhance the dreamlike quality and pacing.
Overall, the poem successfully merges the ordinary with the surreal to explore themes of solitude and escape, but refining certain images and language choices could deepen its resonance.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Frederick Kesner
3 months 2 weeks ago
...will be most assuredly…
...will be most assuredly waiting.
Sen99
3 months 2 weeks ago
Interesting Title
Some nice ideas in this poem, paints a good picture of the hermit.
One question verse 2 last line, was this "dusty shelves" ? The imagery of soup tins is good as well.
Frederick Kesner
3 months 2 weeks ago
Yes, thank you Sen... I had…
Yes, thank you Sen... I had more time to sit down and work it out so that it makes better sense.