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Dec 10, 2023
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What Gets You Through the Day
Crimson sunlight, through windows at six
Inspires ideas, please let my future be bright
Music on; showered; dressed, and news channel one
No excessive spate: a sprightly daily fix
The hope to cope, with life is helped
By music and people; food, daydreams and wine
Birds when they sing: no need for a clock
Planning a meal – fried duck in a wok
Soup of the day, on the day I get paid
Reading, writing, illustrious plans to be made
Looking up at the sky, awaiting the stars
I’m thankful for life, knowing I’ll die
Knowing I’m here, and not knowing why
The wonderment of wonder, deep thoughts in bars
Time spent thinking and drinking: money plundered
My niece, nephew, farther and brother
And of the upmost importance: my wonderful mother
— Michael Keens, Dec 10, 2023
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About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem captures a slice of daily life with a contemplative tone, weaving together simple pleasures and deeper reflections. The imagery of "Crimson sunlight" and "birds when they sing" effectively grounds the reader in sensory experiences that feel both personal and universal. The progression from morning routines to broader existential musings provides a natural flow, though some lines could benefit from tighter rhythm or punctuation to enhance clarity and impact.
Consider revisiting the line "No excessive spate: a sprightly daily fix" to clarify the intended meaning; the phrase "excessive spate" is somewhat ambiguous and may disrupt the poem’s smoothness. Additionally, the shift from daily activities to reflections on mortality ("I’m thankful for life, knowing I’ll die") is poignant but might gain emotional weight if set apart more distinctly, perhaps through stanza breaks or varied line length.
The closing lines introduce family members, which adds warmth and grounding, but the phrase "farther and brother" seems likely to be a typographical error for "father and brother." Correcting this will help maintain the poem’s sincerity and coherence.
Overall, the poem balances everyday details with philosophical inquiry, and with some refinement in structure and language precision, it can achieve greater resonance and polish.
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