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Dec 10, 2023
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What Gets You Through the Day
Crimson sunlight, through windows at six
Inspires ideas, please let my future be bright
Music on; showered; dressed, and news channel one
No excessive spate: a sprightly daily fix
The hope to cope, with life is helped
By music and people; food, daydreams and wine
Birds when they sing: no need for a clock
Planning a meal – fried duck in a wok
Soup of the day, on the day I get paid
Reading, writing, illustrious plans to be made
Looking up at the sky, awaiting the stars
I’m thankful for life, knowing I’ll die
Knowing I’m here, and not knowing why
The wonderment of wonder, deep thoughts in bars
Time spent thinking and drinking: money plundered
My niece, nephew, farther and brother
And of the upmost importance: my wonderful mother
— Michael Keens, Dec 10, 2023
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About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem captures a contemplative morning routine and the small, meaningful elements that help sustain the speaker through daily life. The imagery of "crimson sunlight" and "birds when they sing" effectively grounds the poem in sensory experience, creating a vivid start to the day. The progression from morning rituals to reflections on life and relationships provides a natural flow, though the rhythm and line breaks could be refined to enhance readability and impact.
Consider varying line lengths and punctuation to create clearer pauses and emphasize key moments—for example, the transition from daily activities to existential thoughts could benefit from more deliberate spacing or line breaks. Some lines feel slightly rushed or compressed, such as "No excessive spate: a sprightly daily fix," where the phrasing might be smoothed for clarity and cadence.
The closing lines introduce important personal connections, but the phrase "farther and brother" seems to contain a typo ("farther" likely intended as "father"), which disrupts the flow and should be corrected. Additionally, the phrase "upmost importance" is more commonly rendered as "utmost importance."
The poem’s tone balances between lightness and depth, but the shift to themes of mortality and wonder could be more fully developed to deepen the emotional resonance. Expanding on the "wonderment of wonder" or the significance of the family members mentioned might give the poem a stronger thematic closure.
Overall, focusing on line structure, clarity in word choice, and thematic development will help this poem more powerfully convey the interplay between everyday moments and profound reflection.
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