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May 18, 2023
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What do you truly want?
What do you truly want?
The question so simple
Yet so difficult
“I want money!”
“I want a car!”
“I want to be famous!”
Others answer with ease.
But those all feel so greedy.
So vain.
I know what I want.
It’s what I have always wanted
But I don’t want to say it aloud
I fear I may sound cruel.
A happy family.
I say it slowly and quietly.
Sure it isn’t money,
Or cars,
Or fame.
But it would be worth all of that.
All of that multiplied by infinity
Such a simple question.
Such a difficult answer.
— Aurora, May 18, 2023
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About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores the tension between surface desires and deeper, more meaningful longings. The straightforward question "What do you truly want?" sets up a contrast between common materialistic answers and the speaker's more profound wish for a happy family. This contrast is effective in prompting reflection on what truly matters.
The poem’s strength lies in its candid tone and the gradual revelation of the speaker’s true desire. The repetition of "I want" early on establishes a rhythm that mirrors the common, almost automatic responses people give, which then makes the speaker’s quieter, more vulnerable answer stand out.
Consider varying the line lengths and punctuation to enhance the emotional impact and pacing. For example, the lines "So vain." and "I know what I want." could be expanded or connected to deepen the introspection. Additionally, the phrase "I fear I may sound cruel" is intriguing but somewhat ambiguous—clarifying why the speaker fears this might enrich the emotional complexity.
The closing lines effectively underscore the value the speaker places on their wish, but the phrase "All of that multiplied by infinity" could be rephrased for smoother flow or stronger imagery. For instance, exploring metaphors or similes could make the abstract concept of infinite worth more tangible.
Overall, the poem invites readers to consider the difference between superficial wants and heartfelt desires, but refining the rhythm and imagery could strengthen its emotional resonance.
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Geezer
3 years ago
I think...
that most people have at least a little discord in their family and would like to see the hurts and rifts in their familial relationships healed but are resigned to what they feel is a lost cause. So, they settle for what they think is happiness in the acquiring of material things. Your title drew me in, as I wanted to know what people want. The plain language is a big help in making this an "everyman's" poem. The pace is good, moving the thoughts right along and connecting the reader to theme.
The whole thing moves smoothly, from the opening lines to the end with a final thought of no resolution, and the opening question becoming the end. Nicely done! ~ Geezer.
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