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This poem is part of the contest:

10/25 Going Home

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Welcome Home

The sign still says I'm welcome,
The population's still quite small.
One more mile before I'll know,
If I'll recognize this place at all.

What I see before me now,
Is the place I longed to see.
Businesses still line the streets,
I use to climb that big oak tree.

The city square and band shell,
The big clock that tells the time.
I feared they might be gone forever,
From this old home town of mine.

I remember Grover's five and dime,
Mr. Reynolds who cut my hair.
Penny candy bought each weekend,
At Wally's Grocery just over there.

I walk three blocks to where I lived,
The home my parents saved to buy.
A sign says that it's now for sale,
I look longingly, and then a sigh.

As I slowly walk around the square,
I'm in awe of the beauty that's still here.
The people that smile and say "hello",
I'm finally home, that's crystal clear.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ID

Favorite Poets: Rod McKuen

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

5 months 3 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores the theme of returning to one's hometown and the interplay between memory and change. The structure is consistent, employing quatrains with an ABAB rhyme scheme, which lends a sense of cohesion and nostalgia appropriate to the subject matter. The language is straightforward and accessible, which supports the poem’s reflective tone.

There are some areas where the poem could be strengthened. The imagery, while clear, tends toward generalities (“businesses still line the streets,” “the city square and band shell”), which may limit the emotional impact. Incorporating more specific, sensory details could deepen the reader’s immersion and make the setting more vivid. For example, describing the sounds, smells, or tactile sensations associated with these places would help ground the poem in lived experience.

The poem’s emotional arc is clear, moving from uncertainty (“If I’ll recognize this place at all”) to reassurance and resolution (“Has beckoned me, I’m moving home!”). However, some moments could benefit from greater complexity or tension. The speaker’s fears about change are briefly mentioned but quickly resolved. Exploring these anxieties in more depth—perhaps through contrasts between memory and present reality—could add nuance.

There are a few technical issues to consider. In the second stanza, “I use to climb that big oak tree” should be “I used to climb that big oak tree.” Additionally, the line “The populations still quite small” would be clearer as “The population’s still quite small.” Attention to these details would improve the poem’s polish.

Overall, the poem effectively communicates a sense of nostalgia and belonging, but it would benefit from more precise imagery, deeper exploration of emotional complexity, and careful attention to language.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

L o v e w o r n

L o v e w o r n

5 months 3 weeks ago

Your Poem

Hello William! That's a lovely poem. It does a great job of evoking a feeling of nostalgia and the bittersweet experience of returning to a cherished, familiar place after time away. The sense of relief you feel when they recognize their old town is quite palpable. 😊

 

Areas for Enhancement

 

The narrative is clear, but you could make the imagery and emotional journey even stronger by focusing on a few areas:

  • Varying Sentence Structure and Pacing: The poem uses a consistent $\text{AABB}$ rhyme scheme and four-line, rhythmically similar stanzas. While this creates a steady, comfortable pace, trying to vary the meter and sentence structure in a few places could help emphasize key emotional shifts. For instance, you could use a shorter line or a line with a slightly different rhythm when the speaker sees the "For Sale" sign to make that moment of shock/disappointment stand out.
  • Deepen the Sensory Details: The poem relies on strong visual memories ("big oak tree," "five and dime," "city square and band shell"), which is effective. To truly immerse the reader, consider adding other sensory details. What does the town smell like? (Maybe the freshly cut grass near the square or the faint scent of baking from a local shop?) What does it sound like? (The specific chime of the big clock, the squeak of the barber's door, or the crunch of gravel underfoot.) Richer sensory language will make the memories feel more immediate.
  • Explore the "Sigh": The line "I look longingly, and then a sigh" is a moment of deep emotion, a pause before the final happy realization. This is an excellent place to expand. What emotion does the sigh convey? Is it relief that the home is still there, sadness that it's empty, or wistfulness for the past life lived within its walls? Giving that specific moment a full line or even a half-stanza of reflection could add powerful depth.
  • Strengthen the Connection to the Final Line: The final stanza's pivot to "I'm moving home!" is a wonderful emotional punch, but the transition could be smoothed. You could add a line or two that bridges the nostalgic walk around the square with the definitive decision to return. What specific detail about the square finally tips the balance from fond memory into a solid plan?

Overall, it's a touching poem with a very satisfying conclusion! Keep writing! ✍️

Mark/Gem

Image removed.

 

William Lynn

William Lynn

5 months 3 weeks ago

Hello Mark

Hello Mark.

Thank you for your critique and kind comments, they are appreciated and I will get to work to try to improve the poem.  All of us benefit as we learn from others to improve our writing skills.

Many thanks, Will 

L o v e w o r n

L o v e w o r n

5 months 3 weeks ago

Hi Will..

I'm still working on poems that I started 20 years ago.  Even if it's a variation 👍👌😁

William Lynn

William Lynn

5 months 3 weeks ago

Thank You

for taking the time to read the poem.  I too re-visit poems of old, tweaking, changing, or just for the fun of seeing how my thoughts have progressed over time.

Best Wishes, Will

 

L o v e w o r n

L o v e w o r n

5 months 3 weeks ago

Very Good

It's great to see folks like you on the site with this attitude William.

Mark

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

5 months 3 weeks ago

Dear will,

I  will tell you my favorite verse is the last one:

As I slowly walk around the square,
I smile at the beauty that I have known.
The old town square I've always loved,
Has beckoned me, I'm moving home!

because it is comforting and refreshes me. It makes me feel that you are safe from all the worldly strife and commotion. the whole poem has many excellent lines.  this poem induces my own thoughts and feelings of home and its many comforts.... 

Excellent work! I wish you good luck on the contest,

fondly, Cat

William Lynn

William Lynn

5 months 3 weeks ago

Thank you

Hi Cat!

I really appreciate you're willingness to read and comment.  I'm also glad you enjoyed the poem. It is 85% true, but I didn't move back home because it was impossible, but I'll always wish that I could have.  

All my best to you and Steven. - Will

Geezer

Geezer

5 months 3 weeks ago

I was...

just reflecting on the fact that I've moved back to my hometown recently, and the next poem I read, is this! I haven't been that far away from it but rarely get to visit these last ten years or so. I am discovering that here are changes that have taken place, but I didn't know. And then... I chanced upon a street that seemed virtually the same as it was the first time I ever set foot on it. [ around 65-70 years ago]. I got the same feeling when you described the last part. The A.I. is right about strengthening the lines by clarifying and trimming. Use meter to decide where you can trim a syllable or two, how does it sound when you read it aloud? If you lose track of the line, the way it feels... chances are that you can trim and/or add a word to take the place of two other short ones. ~ Geez.

.

 

 

William Lynn

William Lynn

5 months 3 weeks ago

Thank you

Hi Geeze. Thank you for your suggestions, they are much appreciated.  I'll put on my thinking cap and get to work to improve the poem.

All my best, Will

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

5 months 3 weeks ago

hello Will,

A suggestion: after you are done with the work of making changes, would you please add (revised) to the title? 

 

thanks! fondly, Cat

William Lynn

William Lynn

5 months 3 weeks ago

Changes

have been made to the title and last stanza.  I hope it helps the poem, who knows? Thanks as always, Will

Geezer

Geezer

5 months 3 weeks ago

I like everything...

that you have done so far; now, how about naming those businesses to add a little homey touch? I think it will give it a chance to make those memories shine. Of course, you will have to change those lines a little bit, but I see that you have done well, and I don't think it will be that much of a problem for you. 

~ Geez.

.

William Lynn

William Lynn

5 months 3 weeks ago

Hi Geeze

That sounds like a challenge, and I do like challenges.  Now I have to try to remember the names of the businesses, but I think they will come, probably about three in the morning.

Thanks, Will

L o v e w o r n

L o v e w o r n

5 months 3 weeks ago

The populations still quite…

The populations still quite small. population's

Never add a message or anything to a title.

I wrote the 1st and second anthologies with Paul and Geezer. It can be difficult to remove such data in order to keep our book looking good 👍

Mark