The Voice

The voice said, don’t pen poetry no more.
In your declining years, you’ll only bore
or disappoint like some decrepit whore,
who’s washed-up on a sin-soaked seaweed shore.

The voice, it sounded sinister and stern.
Demanding lines I’d laid I now must burn.
A poet, no, you ain’t, when will you learn?
Your poet’s page no one will ever turn.

This voice inside my head, of course, was mine.
(Son-of-a-bitch, a senile sixty-nine)
Who wants to hear a scribbling wind-bag whine?
In verse, cough up a poem line by line.

The voice then died away, but still it grieved
the poet in my soul who still believed
that rhyme, not fake or forced nor ill-conceived,
by grey old-timers still could be achieved.

— Blue-eyed Bolla, May 22, 2026

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Buxton, Derbyshire., GBR

Favorite Poets: Thomas Hardy

Critiques

neopoet

2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem effectively captures the internal struggle between self-doubt and the enduring desire to create poetry. The use of a harsh, judgmental "voice" as a metaphor for self-criticism is clear and relatable, and the poem’s tone oscillates between bitterness and defiance, which adds emotional depth.

The rhyme scheme is consistent and traditional, which suits the poem’s theme about the value and challenges of rhymed verse. However, some rhymes feel forced or overly blunt—for example, "whore" and "shore" are vivid but might alienate some readers due to their harshness. Consider whether a less abrasive metaphor could convey the same sense of decline without risking distraction.

The poem’s rhythm is mostly steady, but a few lines could benefit from slight adjustments to improve flow. For instance, the line “Who wants to hear a scribbling wind-bag whine?” is a bit cumbersome rhythmically. Reading the poem aloud may help identify spots where the meter stumbles.

The closing stanza offers a hopeful note, affirming belief in the craft despite age and criticism. This is a strong thematic resolution. To enhance this, the poem might explore more specifically what "still could be achieved" means to the speaker—perhaps by incorporating a more vivid or personal image.

Overall, the poem’s voice is authentic and its structure sound. Refining some of the harsher imagery and smoothing the meter could make the emotional impact even stronger.

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