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Simon
Simon
Apr 23, 2021 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

UNQUIET SLEEP

Eyes are closed
Ears are dimed
The mind's slowing deep in the sleep
The soul still awake
Though that's a dream kind of

Some dreams are foresacken
Such that body can't be taken
Like fighting and playing
Running or walking
It just depends on the act
Singing or shouting
Talking or subbing
Perhaps groaning aloud
One might be tearing apart

At dawn been awake but weak
Body painfully and aching
I have journeyed beyond the physical.

— Simon, Apr 23, 2021

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Most of the time we sleep but can't resting but it's based on what so ever reason.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria , abuja

Favorite Poets: Any good poet of my likening, [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

More from this author

Critiques

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

5 years 1 month ago

hello Simon,

I think that your title is a little unclear, and could be improved upon. I could relate to the body of your poem because I am an insomniac and have to use sleeping pills. even then I don't feel real rested, as I wake up several times in the night. your language communicates how you feel.

*hugs, Cat

Simon

Simon

5 years 1 month ago

Very well

I do something about the title right away

Simon

Simon

5 years 1 month ago

Very well

I do something about the title right away

Simon

Simon

5 years 1 month ago

I agree

To that too, it's a nice suggestion thank you all so much

CB

c lynn brooks

5 years 1 month ago

Simon

first line why not use eyes are closed
second line ears are dimmed
third line into
I would drop the kind of in the fourth line
either for I have journeyed or for one has journeyed
see if you like the flow any better
these are only suggestions

Simon

Simon

5 years 1 month ago

C lynn brooks

Thanks so much that is another good suggestion from you I appreciate your support

Simon

Simon

5 years 1 month ago

Thanks

I really appreciate you family for all the suggestions form you guys thank so much.

Simon

Simon

5 years 1 month ago

Thanks

I really appreciate you family for all the suggestions form you guys thank so much.

Simon

Simon

5 years 1 month ago

I very

Well appreciate that I think it's ok with the first tittle for it fit the body, thank you for your concerns.