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Jul 22, 2020
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Trinket Pool
elephant Welsh
mustard ferry clout
scorpion bamboo
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is my view point of a day enjoying the sea air
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Lavender
5 years 3 months ago
Trinket Pool
Hello, Susan!
Welcome, as I see that you are new to Neopoet! I am fascinated by this poem, especially since it is Eastern structure - brief and full of imagery. I will need to visit again and spend more time with it after a bit. But wanted to jump in to say that I am very intrigued - at first read, it reminds me of an old charm bracelet I once had. I hear a whimsical chime. Will return!
Thank you!
Lavender
Gracy
5 years 3 months ago
Hi Susan and welcome to
Hi Susan and welcome to neopoet. I like your structured poem, but not too sure what you mean. Your way of enjoying the sea air? The ferry makes me think of a port or a crossing. Not sure about the elephant and the Welsh part.
I'll return, your piece intrigues me. All the best, Gracy
Susan N Aassahde
5 years 3 months ago
Thank You
Thank you for the feedback, I have recently started writing haiku and, I am experimenting with syllable count; I am trying to connect images, the sea air as the elephant is running on the beach, thank you again!
Geezer
5 years 3 months ago
Without...
your explanation, I would never have connected any of those words. Try being a little less enigmatic. ~ Geezer.
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