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Aug 08, 2024
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Tree Hugger...
When I awoke, I felt so bad
I went to hug my favorite tree
I thought about the fears I had
no one would fear, but me
"Too bad", I thought I heard it say
The bark, it scratched my face
I hugged it all the tighter
As my mind began to race
I'm losing it, I really am
"Too bad", I heard it say
Are my ears deciving me
Have I gone all the way?
"I will comfort you my friend
hold me close again."
Take me down the rabbit-hole
Take from me, my pain.
"My leaves will shield you from the sun
I will hold back the breeze.
My roots will anchor the soil, dear sir,
where you kneel upon your knees"
"I will do all this for you,
because I love you so."
My friend, the tree I love you,
now don't ever let me go.
— Geezer, Aug 08, 2024
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About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores the emotional connection between the speaker and a tree, using the act of hugging as a metaphor for seeking comfort and solace. The narrative voice is consistent, and the poem moves through a progression of distress, comfort, and eventual reassurance.
Strengths: - The poem employs personification effectively, allowing the tree to "speak" and offer comfort. This device helps externalize the speaker’s internal struggles. - The structure is clear, with stanzas that generally advance the emotional arc. - The rhyme scheme, though not strict, provides some cohesion and musicality.
Areas for improvement: - The rhyme and meter are inconsistent, which can disrupt the reading experience. For example, the first stanza uses an ABAB pattern, but subsequent stanzas shift unpredictably. Consider standardizing the rhyme scheme or intentionally using free verse. - Some lines are awkward or contain typographical errors, such as "Are my ears deciving me" (should be "deceiving") and "where you kneel upon your knees" (extra space and redundancy in "kneel upon your knees"). Editing for clarity and conciseness would strengthen the poem. - The phrase "Take me down the rabbit-hole" introduces an allusion that is not developed elsewhere in the poem. If this is a reference to "Alice in Wonderland," consider integrating more imagery or context to support it, or clarify its relevance to the poem’s emotional journey. - The poem could benefit from more concrete imagery. While the tree is personified, the sensory details (bark scratching, leaves shielding) are sparse. Expanding on these could deepen the reader’s immersion. - The final stanza shifts to direct address ("dear sir") and then to a more intimate tone. Clarifying the speaker’s relationship to the tree and maintaining a consistent voice would enhance the emotional impact.
Overall, the poem’s concept is clear, but attention to form, language precision, and imagery would help realize its full potential.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.
Lavender
4 weeks 1 day ago
Tree Hugger
Hello, Geezer!
Our very best friends, companions, and comforters - the trees!
Love this!
Thank you!
Lx