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Aug 20, 2020
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Toy tin soldier
I’m a toy tin soldier and you my love I’m try to find as your glorious image burns deeply in my mind. March on through night when your hypnotic color violet painting The Dark misty sky of the nighT Then my ears were pierced by your soft Sweet serenade of a cry guiding me like a dove flying me to you my love.
— Edward nigma, Aug 20, 2020
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About This Poem
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
Geezer
5 years 11 months ago
I don't know...
if I would use the word [pierced] for a line that is supposed to bring about an image of sweet sensuality. Maybe: [ My ears were reached by your serenade-cry, a dove flying me to you, my love]? I get the image of a purple twilight and a snow-white dove, flying toward you. ~ Geez.
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Gracy
5 years 11 months ago
Hi Edward, is this short
Hi Edward, is this short piece inspired by the tale of the Ballerina and The Toy Tin Soldier. It reminds me of it.
Good prose. Best, Gracy
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