Trail

Sep 03, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 08/31/25 to 09/06/25

(Read More...)

To The Thickets ( matlhakung)

These chickens no longer know the call
All chickens used to know
A call warning of danger
Because a hawk had been spotted

The hens would run with their chicks
To hide them in the thicket fence
As the rooster stood ready
To protect and to defend

I gave the call yesterday
And none of them reacted
They went on scratching the ground
Looking at whatever it is
They have always been looking for

It's a good thing, I guess
It means the chickens are safe
That they no longer have a reason
To live in fear

But one must try to think
What this means for the hawks
And their place, if any
In god's green world
A. Swantalala

About This Poem

Last Few Words: In the rural places of Botswana where I'm from, every family rears chickens, mostly in a free range setting where they're free to move around on their own. When I was younger hawks used to just swoop down and grab a chick or two and fly away. We'd yell, matlhakung, whenever we spotted a hawk circling above. This would get the chickens on high alert, the ones with small chicks would run to the thicket fence to hide the chicks there coz they were the most vulnerable. The word matlhakung itself literally means "to the thickets" which are traditionally used to build fireplaces in my culture

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Botswana

Favorite Poets: Charles Bukowski, Jim Harrison

Comments

neopoet

3 weeks 3 days ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem presents a clear narrative with a thoughtful meditation on change and the shifting dynamics of nature. The imagery of chickens responding—or failing to respond—to a warning call is vivid and accessible, grounding the poem in a relatable scenario that expands into broader ecological and existential questions.

Strengths: - The poem’s structure is straightforward, with short lines that create a steady rhythm, mirroring the calmness and routine of the chickens’ behavior. - The contrast between past vigilance and present indifference is effectively conveyed, prompting reflection on safety, fear, and the consequences of change. - The final stanza introduces a philosophical dimension, questioning the role of predators (hawks) in the natural order, which adds depth to the poem’s thematic concerns.

Areas for development: - The poem could benefit from more varied imagery or sensory detail to deepen the reader’s immersion. For example, describing the thicket fence or the environment more vividly could enhance the setting’s presence. - Consider exploring the emotional or symbolic resonance of the call itself. Is it merely a warning, or could it represent something broader, such as tradition, instinct, or community? - The poem’s tone is contemplative but somewhat neutral; introducing a stronger emotional undercurrent—whether nostalgia, anxiety, or hope—might increase its impact. - The closing lines pose an important question but could be more tightly crafted for emphasis. For instance, refining the phrasing around “god’s green world” might clarify the poem’s stance on nature’s balance.

Overall, the poem thoughtfully engages with themes of change, safety, and ecological balance. With more vivid detail and emotional nuance, it could deepen its resonance and invite readers to connect more viscerally with the scene and its implications.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

3 weeks 3 days ago

First...

it is not always a good thing when the chickens ignore warnings of danger, for there will always be something to warn against, such as snakes, hawks, and other predators. Somehow, I don't think that this is all about chickens. I'm guessing that this is also about your people, who may be experiencing a little bit of peace and calm. The voices that call out to beware are largely ignored at the moment. Keep calling out the warning! I enjoyed the piece and find no fault. Yes, what does it mean for the hawks? They have their place, as you have mentioned. Maybe it is to keep the stupid ones from making the rest of the chickens weak and unresponsive? The smart ones will see that there is still a need to beware and take care of their chicks.
I liked the simple folksy way this story was told, and the plain language makes this a tale easily remembered like a proverb or maxim. Nice job, ~ Geezer.
.

Lavender

3 weeks 2 days ago