Tempus fugit, memento mori

Latin phrase meaning
"Time flies, remember death"
any given moment could spell finis
meaning the end, conclusion,
or finish of something
most grievous when linkedin
to the remaining life unlived
victoriously snatched unexpectedly
particularly tragic when
loved one mourned just a babe or youth
versus loved one up in years
nevertheless permanent absence
whether death choice one makes
linkedin to mental health mailer daemons
as nearly happened with me
when jousting as a whipper-snapper
barely into double dutch digits
modus operandi anorexia nervosa
literally starving oneself to death
no matter famished twenty four/seven
though mother of mine intervened
applying not only unconditional love
of her sole male offspring,
but yours truly pained her
as well my father
though he seemed
more emotionally remote
nevertheless most every conversation
between them entailed
flood of tears
a microcosmic biblical
on par with Noachian Deluge
nearly swept away
courtesy self abnegation
at the tender age
when puberty offset
because I did not
want to grow up
but remain a boy
self contained within
his invisible bubble
found him immune
to lamentations of kith and kin
which lamentations deaf
to ear-splitting maelstrom
the relentless storm of the century
reigned within pained psyche
who believed himself
to be failure and persona non grata
when self measured against
successes of polymath father
the latter intelligently gifted
whose proud parents
my paternal grands
Aaron and Sadie Harris
gloated over the academic exploits
yet between the two of them
Strait of Hormuz a babbling brook
Bedford Stuyvesant storied halls
papa excelled and attended
City College of New York
then free and clear passage
to those endowed
with above average intelligence
where near vocational success a given
who spent scores of working years
employed courtesy General Electric
though he hopped, jumped and skipped
across stepping stones
when a realization dawned
that being a Mechanical Engineer
not true calling
but upon experiencing self actualization
a mortgage needed to be paid
and three young offspring
plus the mother of his progeny
relied on him as the breadwinner
which role predicated
upon being a star student
traits passed along
youngest sister of mine
as well as oldest daughter
begot between seeds of White Lily
planted within fertile crescent
of a gal I met and married
at Thursday night contra dancing
approximately a decade after
the grim reaper took a swipe
but fortunately missed
the human sacrifice
yet even at the instance
of writing these words
suicidal ideations flourish
amidst a derelict
psychological environment
hostile to healthy mental,
physical and spiritual maturation
the inescapable contract being mortal
when born exhaled first breath of life
and simultaneously inhaled
intimations of the grim reaper
stymied and smarted
but forever a dwell within
these lovely bones
whereat lower back aches with arthritis
and minor scoliosis
now impacting the quality
of mein kampf,
mourning the life never lived
and opportunities to test mettle
of mine forged within boyhood bedroom,
where reading served
passive capitulation to escape
impossible mission to cope
with absolute zero
faith no more
but abandoned exerting
dog given talents
as rattled off by the then
young mother of twenty four
doting on her so called "little monkey"
actually bananas a favorite fruit
yet even at instance
setting forth these words
being typed stream of consciousness
fulfilling body, mind and spirit
of a baby boomer
tumbling more often
with words that served
as whipping cords
courtesy father of yours truly
who felt pent up rage
against witnessing premature deterioration
me succumbing to self abandonment
resigning trying my darnedest
to maximize potential
forsaking fear of success undeserving
emasculating at every opportunity
passively aggressively surrendering
to pursue with figurative
blood, sweat and tears
possibilities that I aborted
all the while
envying my kid sibling
whose efforts at brains and brawn
find her the master of a prolific domain
yet fury towards that towheaded
happy go lucky boy
whose punishment to truck
along the highway to hell
vis a vis deprivation of self worth
condemning self as common criminal
without chance of parole
until awakening to joie de vivre
initially as mentioned
courtesy the Thursday night contra dance
and alternate friday nights
in Lambertville, New Jersey
the most fun one can experience
donned with wearing clothes
and yet social etiquette
decreed fair share of shameful
overtures to date this,
that or another attractive lass
who discerned an immaturity
within the body electric of a grown man
in retrospect trying
to make up for foregone chances
floundering like a fish out of water
condemning impulsive behavior
in an attempt to fulfill adolescent betrayal
at the expense of a wife
and two grown daughters
still scarred courtesy my
impetuous dirty deeds done dirt cheap!